What can cure

BettyShe,

It's only been just about a year for me, so I can't say for sure; I still have hope that one day my son will get in touch. Sadly however, I suspect that the answer to your question is "no." Even when I read stories about estrangement reconciliations, it almost always seems that the relationships are not quite the same as before. Rarely do I read that "we're closer than ever."

I'm usually a glass half-full kind of person, but from my experience with my own strained relationship with my mom, I don't think we'll have that same closeness we did in the past, so I'm guessing if my son ever does reconcile, it might be the same. There's a lot of hurt on both sides that makes it hard to learn to trust again, even if you've forgiven fully.

If I'm not mistaken, you've lost a child, and while I haven't, I have lost people special in my life, and while you can move on with your life, you never forget. As some wise people on this site have said before though, your joy isn't found here, in this life, it's in Him. And one day, all this sadness and pain will be forgotten and we'll have everlasting peace, love and abundance in His kingdom. I choose to believe that when He says abundance, that also means that the things we lack here on earth, like our broken relationships, we'll have restoration and healing in Heaven.

I'm guessing you're having a tough day, or are struggling somehow, since you asked that question. Please know that I'm lifting you up in prayer right now and will continue to do so. If I could hug you I would, so know that right now, someone (besides the Almighty God who does EVERYTHING for your good!) is in your corner. (((HUGS))) to you, friend!

Luke , you hit it right I AM having a hard day. I so hope that the pains that we share from estrangement never happpened. I'm still trying to heal from it all and losing my daughter complicates my healing from estrangement. I know that our Father knows my pain, and I'm so very blessed and favored by Him in many ways...I know too that His will be done and I have to accept that. I'm so happy that I have this place to come and be lifted up when I'm down. There is a powerful prayer presence here. And ya know what Linda I also want to thank you for setting up this site because I know no other where I know the saints are waiting to lift me up when I'm down. The faith here brings me right back where I should be trusting God and looking to Him. God bless every soul here.

I love your honesty Betty. You remind me to keep trusting God no matter what. Thank you.

I was recently made aware of an estranged mother, whose daughter 'came back' after more than 20 years of complete (silence) estrangement. .... So, one day, you're estranged, then in an instant ... you're not. Do we forgive, and move forward?? ... mostly yes I think. We are mothers and they are (no matter what) our children. We forgive with or without apology ... it is what it is I am learning.

I just hope I have the grace I need the moment I need it ... whether my EC is suddenly standing at my door, calling on the phone, or writing a letter or email ... and she says ... 'hey Mom' as if nothing happened .... Seems that is mostly how it goes down .... One moment complete silence ... then standing before you....more likely than not without apology.

Life's full of ups and downs I suppose and we just have to roll with it.... Is what it is.... Perhaps the real lesson here is learning to have true joy no matter what ... like Paul said, learning to be content no matter what our circumstances. Tough lessons I guess ... I know I haven't learned it yet ... still learning and observing... Hang in there ... there are always brighter days ahead....

I am not sure anymore that I can accept this. Disappearing for weeks/months/years...then popping up as if she had just gone to the store. Talking like nothing had happened. That isnt a relationship. Its torture. Yes as Christians we must forgive. We have to live and have lives no matter what......My daughter will pop in now and then and then disappear for long periods of time. Its bizarre behavior and I am supposed to ...do what with this? I dont know. One think i will never do is argue with/ plead with/ beg/ etc. That of course never works. My daughter is a Christian too!......Somedays i am just a sad mama........and somedays i am pretty much ok......sort of...

Just as ieach estrangement is somewhat different so is each reconciliation. For some it may work without apology or repentance while for some it may be necessary. The prodigal son repented to his father as we do to our Heavenly Father.

Some of the things our ED has made up and widely lied to others about would need to be repented of from her. It is something we pray for and we know that with God all things are possible.

Estrangement is so very hard to go through for us good mothers. Keep praying in faith believing and moving forward one day at a time.

Wow....so much in this thread. Betty, I know for me,the heartache will never go away until reconciliation. It is not a constant heartache, like in the beginning, and I am not immobilized, but how can any mom think of an estranged child and not feel heartache? In addition, you have both the heartache of estrangement, as well as the loss of a child. God will always provide comfort but, sometimes, we could use a counselor or therapist to help us sort things out and to go forward in our lives, even though they will never be the same. It often takes time to find the right counselor but during this past year, I have seen a solid Christian woman who has helped me tremendously. I asked God to provide the right one because I was really in a bad place. She counsels with scripture and always points to Jesus. Praying for you, Bettyshe, and asking God to show you His love as you grieve the loss of your daughter.

Brokenmama, I don't believe you are alone in your feelings. I try to be sensitive to my Christian sisters and I don't always quote scriptures to them. They know them as well as I do. And there are times I have felt like you. When I am sharing my feelings with a women's group or a close friend, sometimes I just want them to listen or simply pray for me. The ministry of "presence" is so powerful, especially if they are truly walking in the spirit. We don't always need to say something. A hug may be all we need at times.

Difficult, I thought about your comment of hoping to have the grace the moment you need it. I believe both you and I will, as well as our sisters here, because each of us was saved by His Grace. How could we not extend it to our children? We will be like that prodigal's father, I am sure, and have open hearts and arms. That is what I, personally, heard and observed from parents who have reconciled. Praying we get to have that opportunity.

Lastly, concerning apologies.... Aren't we supposed to forgive, with or without an apology? Repentance and apologies are the responsibility of those who have harmed us, just as apologies are required of us when we have sinned or hurt others. I know several women who have reconciled with their adult children and I do not believe any apologies were made. A few said that their children made statements that they believed in the eyes of their children were apologies, but not in the eyes of the parent. However, again, we are only responsible for our own actions, not the actions of others.

Praying and seeking God's wisdom for each one of us. Jesus, fill us with Your Love.