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Post by poodlegirl61 on Dec 20, 2016 16:28:27 GMT
Well it has been two days since our son came to visit, and we have received several texts and messages, and he has been messaging his brother, so this is a very good sign! The last time he came to visit (a year and a half ago) I thought it was a good visit, only for my texts and calls to go unheard. So far, that has not happened, so I am very optimistic and hopeful this is for real. Now for a different, unexpected issue....I know I have alluded to my daughter that is going through the separation and divorce. Well she is the only one who wasn't present the other day, because she had to work, but of course I told her everything that transpired. Well, you all know about the story of the Prodigal Son? Well, this is kind of the same thing, only my daughter isn't a son, she's a daughter, and she isn't the prodigal one. She is the jealous one who stayed home and was upset over all the rejoicing. Yes, she is upset and angry because we seem too willing to forgive and forget. Now, please understand, our ES and his wife have said and done HEINOUS things to all of us, including her. He has in particular mocked her and rubbed this whole divorce thing in her face. Well, after I told her that we had unblocked him on Facebook, she unblocked him as well, and she began looking at some of his posts, and there was one from the summer that was particularly mean, cruel and hurtful. He was mocking her about her separation. Well she saw it and just unraveled. I reminded her that yes, it is/was a horrible thing to say, particularly from an older brother about his little sister, but that was from the summer, months ago, not now. The now is what we must focus on. I know it is hard. She and him were very close before all this mess. She wants an apology, and she is just so hurt and angry. Obviously this puts me in a very hard position. I am overjoyed my prodigal son has returned, but my daughter means so much to me as well, and she is deeply wounded. I have prayed for God to help her. I don't know what else to do.
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Post by luke2231 on Dec 20, 2016 17:33:08 GMT
Poodle, gosh, really prayer is the only thing you can do for now! If all were well and "normal" I would suggest having a sit-down, air-it-out discussion with everyone, but since this is so new, to do that, you'd like push one or both away. Ugh.
I'm sure you've reassured your daughter to no end that her feelings matter greatly, but my guess is that she (rightly so) feels like her life shouldn't have turned out like it has with what her husband put her through. And seeing her brother's cruel comments has rubbed salt in the wounds for BOTH of those relationships. He should be held accountable for them, but like anything in any and all relationships, reconciliation is a process, not an overnight success. I know you know all this already, though...
My only advice - beyond praying, which, of course, I will join in on - is that only she can work out her feelings and her relationship with her brother, and vice versa. Although you may feel responsible for his actions, or her feelings (why we do that, I don't know, but we do), you can only be accountable for your own. It absolutely is the prodigal returning thing, but like the father in that story, he loved both his children equally, although he showed it in different ways at different times. He offered grace all around. From what you've said, it looks like you recognize this and are trying your best to lead her to the same conclusion.
I will definitely continue praying for your family to be knit together stronger than before... (Hugs!)
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Post by lindajoan on Dec 20, 2016 18:01:23 GMT
Luke shared much wisdom. I wil not repeat her wise words. I do agree that it may take time for your daughter to accept the new developments. That seems very normal. It is also true that it is well past summer and he may give an apology if your daughter brings it up. They will work it out as adults. We will pray.
Since our ED also said terrible things including accusations I wonder if your son did address the things that he had said or done in the past to you. Each reconciliation is different but it would to helpful to see how you are handling reconciliation as you are led by the Lord.
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Post by JeepGirl on Dec 21, 2016 4:27:24 GMT
Poodlegirl, I would just continue in your forgiveness and acceptance of your son back into your life. You are being a reflection of what God expects from us when we have been attacked, hurt and maligned. Now, your daughter has to make her own decision on how she will respond to her brother. If she is a Believer, she knows what God expects of her, but the decision is hers. She may not be able to forgive him as quickly as you have, but that will be her choice. Until she forgives him I, personally, would not allow her to engage you in talking about him, past details, etc. Stand firm in a loving, forgiving way and simply continue in your obedience to Jesus and your love for both of your adult children.
The enemy will even use our children to try and steal God's joy from us. I pray you don't give him a foothold. Remember, God gave you this wonderful Christmas gift. Keep it close to your heart and enjoy every moment of it.
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Post by everloving11 on Dec 22, 2016 15:57:08 GMT
Satan's purpose is to have your family at odds with each other - just keep loving and be patient. We are praying for you.
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Post by bella51 on Jan 1, 2017 23:37:41 GMT
I would tread very lightly with your son and really really love on your daughter. She needs that right now. My trust for the son would need to be proven if he were my son and kept doing this over and over to me. The prodical son had to work hard in a low position to prove himself to his dad that he could be trusted. The Bible does not really say if the dad trusted him again....forgive yes.
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Post by poodlegirl61 on Jan 10, 2017 17:32:19 GMT
Thank you everyone. Bella, I am very much in agreement that we will tread lightly. We have been down this road many times before with our son and his wife. I WILL say, though, that at least for now, things to seem to be different. We were told by our son the "no contact rule" is null and void now, and we are allowed to text, call, send gifts, etc....Well the middle baby is turning two this month, and so I did indeed get him a birthday gift and I mailed it. (They live six hours away in a different state). Well yesterday my son texted me "thank you so much for the gift for H..." I know that doesn't sound like much, but believe me, it is HUGE. Before, if I ever got any response at all, it was hateful and full of venom and anger. So it is progress. As I have said before, the real "two ton elephant" in the room is his wife. She has not made any response to us at all, which that is ok, and really I prefer it that way. But I still wonder how it will all play out. The situation between my son and his sister is still very strained and quite honestly, bizarre. He has all friended each of us on Facebook, but for her, he sent a private message that said "You need to send me a friend request". Well that is so odd and silly. Why not just send her a request himself? Odd. Odd and immature really. He is the older brother, after all, and she has done nothing to him to cause this. Anyway, I encouraged her to "be the better person" and so she did send him one, although she has not heard a word from him and yesterday was her birthday. I don't understand how he could mistreat his sister, especially with all she's going through with her divorce. But anyway, rest assured, we are not blindly going through this. Our guard is WAY up, but we are cautiously optimistic. God can fix anything. Nothing is too hard for God. Thank you all for your prayers during this ongoing journey.
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Post by lindajoan on Jan 10, 2017 18:40:26 GMT
It sounds like the progress is going well. It is such a blessing for you and an encouragement to us. God can do all things.
It is hard to say what is going on with your son and daughter. Each one may feel a little insecure with the other. It will take some time.
May God continue to bless your relationship with your son. May God bless each one here with His peace.
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