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Post by JeepGirl on Nov 4, 2016 3:18:27 GMT
I didn't see a post yet regarding Thanksgiving so thought I would be the brave one and bring it up.
During estrangement, I wish we could remove these days from our calendar. I don't like this thinking because the holidays are really so beautiful and meaningful. Thanksgiving......so much to be thankful for, in spite of our estrangements. And Christmas, what a beautiful time to remember and celebrate the birth of our Savior. Unfortunately, as the holidays approach, we often find ourselves with painful memories of holidays gone by, times when we were together with our estranged children/grandchildren.
We, now, find ourselves trying to find diversions from traditions that remind us of what we used to have. We try to find ways to "get through" those special days, hoping for a invitation from someone. We may plan a trip or we may just stay home and wait for the day to end. We pray before the day, during the day and even after the day. With prayer, we are reminded of the things we have to be grateful for and Jesus always sustains us and carries us through these holidays.
I am not sure what my dh and I are doing this year. I asked my dd yesterday what her plans were for Thanksgiving. She said she wasn't sure, that her in-laws wanted to have Thanksgiving but said she would rather stay home. And then she mentioned me in a concerned way. (can't remember her exact words) I really didn't respond. Now, I am thinking of telling her, in all sincerity, that if she wanted to go to her in-laws (they have a new grandbaby in family), that they should go and dh and I will be fine. After all, they have a life and my sil does have his family. I think her concern was actually all I really needed. My dh and I can surely make it though the day.
This is the first time I have addressed the holiday with my dd right away instead of waiting. Maybe I am turning another corner in this estrangement. I hope so. Do any of you have plans for this Thanksgiving? |
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Post by lindajoan on Nov 4, 2016 11:40:01 GMT
Yes. The Holidays are difficult when going through estrangement. We know it is not the way of the Lord. It makes us sad.
I like what you said, Jeepgirl,about how our desire needs to be more than just getting through these special days. They are a gift to God to us. There is so much to praise Him for each day. More and more I feel the need to lean on His strength. He will give us the strength to thrive and even be a blessing.
DH and I and the other family members and relatives will be at my brother's home, God willing. I will pray for our ED. I have come to realize in the past 5 years how much she has missed out on after leaving home.
God bless each of us with the strength of His Spirit. He is with us.
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Post by luke2231 on Nov 4, 2016 18:38:58 GMT
Diversion is right!!! Last year, we were supposed to go to ES & DIL's for Thanksgiving, but then 3 days before they cancelled. We ended up going to a major city at the last minute and had a great time. But... I'm an only child and my mom was hurt by our decision not to have Thanksgiving with them, even though they were going to be without us when we had plans to see ES before.
I'm afraid if we go somewhere again, it'll just make an already strained relationship worse. She's hurt by her grandson ignoring all of us, but I don't think she can understand that I need(ed) space to work through my own grief & pain. My husband wants to go somewhere again, but I don't know... I'm really stuck in this place of honoring my parents while at the same time making sure I don't fall apart just because I'm trying to prevent someone else from falling apart.
Praying for us all to "make it through" these next few months...
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Post by 1hurtmom on Nov 6, 2016 2:23:18 GMT
I dread them every year they never get easier for me.
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Post by everloving11 on Nov 6, 2016 14:04:36 GMT
Last year at this time we had just found out we had been estranged, even though our ES had actually un-friended us in October. Anyway, the first Thanksgiving was very difficult. As much as I didn't want to, and as an act of my will, I updated the Thanksgiving scrapbook I have kept for years and looked back on the times our ES was with us (and the times he wasn't because he was in the military) and smiled and was truly thankful. This year, I am especially thankful because a classmate of his from grade school (and one of my former students) was in an ATV accident last week and there has been no brain activity at all so they had to pull the plug yesterday --- and he is gone....suddenly, tragically. There is always hope that our ES will come back to the Lord and then us. So we will be patient. So we will wait. So we will pray. And so we will remember the times we did have with our son.
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Post by lindajoan on Nov 6, 2016 14:22:00 GMT
So sorry to hear of this tragedy.
We will not give up hope. God can do all things. Your son went through a lot. Do you think the PTSD has something to do with the estrangement?
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Post by everloving11 on Nov 6, 2016 15:43:58 GMT
Most definitely - once he got out of the service and the counseling he was going through, he turned his back on his past - completely. But it is more than that - it is also a spiritual issue - ES is really mad at God, and any who claim to follow our Lord. He will not forgive all those he perceives have hurt him at any time in the past. He is angry and bitter and probably miserable, with the hurt being an emotional security blanket like our babies' dirty blankets they would not give up as toddlers. Any attempt on our part to take away this blanket to "wash" it will result in an horrible temper tantrum! So we are letting our ES sit in his little corner of the world, sulking, and sucking whatever "thumb-substitute" he has while God gently pries away his fingers to get that filthy blanket out of his hands - only until ES lets Him. Wait, that is what God probably has had to do with all of us at one time or another and to varying degrees.....sigh!
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Post by lindajoan on Nov 6, 2016 19:26:41 GMT
So we keep praying. God is able.
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Post by bettyshe on Nov 8, 2016 23:36:35 GMT
I'll be spending Thanksgiving with my cousins who live 2 hours away. I love them and they love me so l will be ok but i still feel like the cousin who has no where to go. But I feel blessed to have a place where I am welcomed. Now I need to figure out what to do with myself at Christmas. God bless us all as we go thru this holiday season. I'm so very grateful for this place.
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Post by JeepGirl on Nov 19, 2016 14:41:02 GMT
Thanksgiving is now less than a week away and praying everyone is doing okay.
Since I first wrote this post, my daughter decided to have Thanksgiving dinner at her house and we will be there along with her mother-in-law and father-in-law, and her brother-in-law and his wife with their new baby. It is good to know we will be with my daughter and my grands; however, as each of you know, it doesn't take away from the fact that my es and famly will not be there. And, I will confess to you because you understand....I will be conscious (ok....envious) of the fact that my daughter's in-laws will be there with both their sons and dil's and all of their grandchildren. Not to mention that they are also aware of my estrangement and it always seems to be the elephant in the room. But, honestly, at this point in my life and after all I have gone thru in my estrangement, that awareness and any envy, will only last for a few moments and, hopefully, it will be a nice afternoon. I will pray before going and will be grateful for all that I do have to be Thankful for.
Prayers for everyone here to have a blessed Thanksgiving and remember how much God loves you.
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Post by everloving11 on Nov 21, 2016 16:13:27 GMT
I know I was an emotional basket case last Thanksgiving since we had just found out that our ES had completely cut us off. At times, I had no feelings at all --- then they would rise to the surface and spill out my eyes. I couldn't talk to my family about my feelings since most of the siblings had written him off anyway and the one still in contact was sworn to secrecy. It was maddening. Putting together and looking over our family Thanksgiving scrapbook from 1948 on actually helped as God led me to be thankful for what we did have all those years. I believe this was all before I "met" you guys on the other site. One of the things I am very thankful for is my new extended family in all of you! We never would have met this side of Glory otherwise. I value each of you in so many ways and count you as dear sisters. "Blessed Be the Ties that Bind"
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Post by poodlegirl61 on Nov 21, 2016 16:19:53 GMT
Big Sigh....well here's to this Thanksgiving. My dear oldest son, his wife, and two boys will be with her side of the family because they take turns and so it is their turn to go, which I completely understand and support, although I will miss them. My ES of course is completely out of the picture and I have no earthly idea what they are doing. My daughter (who is separated and going through a divorce) is staying in town because she has to work early the next morning, but she and her 3 year old have been invited to a friend's for Thanksgiving. So that leaves me, my husband and our youngest son. Every year it is a tradition that my entire extended family (I am the youngest of six brothers and sisters) all gather somewhere to have a big feast. This year we are going to a state park in East Texas. I really would prefer to stay home, especially since its my daughter's first Thanksgiving since her husband cheated on her, but my mom is 91 and you never know if this is her last Thanksgiving, so we always feel obliged to go. Anyway, the nice part about it is only an hours drive from our cabin in the woods, so after the feast, my hubs and son and I can go back to our cabin and just relax. Family gatherings (especially with 50 plus people) can be very stressful.
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Post by lindajoan on Nov 21, 2016 17:41:29 GMT
Enjoy being with your Mom. This is the 2nd Thanksgiving without our Mother. It is a blessing to have her at that age.
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