Comments I read on Amazon.

I read the comments and rating section from the book "Abandoned Parents: the Devils Dilemma" the comment section has almost  become a group. Many sound as if they belong here as they are Christians dealing with abandonment. I had more to say on this but my first comments disappeared. I wish that these people could find their way here.

With great love,

Betty

"You express yourself very well and your description of an untenable situation couldn't read any better. Maybe you should be writing the book...or write it with moi. Our feelings about it coincide, though mine is the result of deliberate parental alienation when their father decided to leave....later saying "I must admit, we'd still be married if you hadn't 'wanted' to go to law school."

What concerns me about all this, in addition to all that's been described, is that, it's entirely possible that what we're seeing is not the result of more coverage and a greater ability to share stories but, rather, that something is missing in the generations that came after us. It's been 30 yrs., and, though not a perfect mother by any means, the notion that any child could leave my home apparently incapable of empathy, unwilling to ask questions or share their feelings, unable to have compassion and be so willing to so deliberately hurt, not just another human being, but one's own mother is beyond my comprehension. At one point, my son even became born-again. And so impressed the church leaders during the Bible study that they asked him to come back to help facilitate the next one. Well, what are these people telling him? What are his friends saying? Isn't anyone saying, hey, man, this isn't good for you or about hey, did it ever occur to you that no intelligent, emotionally healthy woman you'd want to marry would ever dare marry you knowing how you treat your mother because that tells her how you may one day treat her. I mean, duh!

It's just that I'm seeing qualities exhibited by younger generations that are not at all desirable that I won't bother with here, but they seem to be disconnected in many ways from their environment...not everyone, of course...in the sense that it's difficult, if not impossible, to bond with them. Maybe they're just super self-reliant; that might make sense. At any rate, I'm concerned about whether this plays a role in these estrangements and their outcome.

I had a friend who's kids were alienated from her by their father. The two girls eventually came around, which I thought most do but may not, but the son wouldn't. For years, she sent him letters to CA through her daughter, but he'd never respond yet never realized his drug-addicted, homeless, jobless life might be connected to his failure to mend the relationship with the person who gave him life.

Clinton tells us "It Takes a Village" to raise a child. Well, I think it takes a village to survive life, and what we need is for that village to stand up and be heard because it's what's best for the kids. We needs people willing to routinely and consistently remind these sons and daughters, in any way possible, subtle, overt, whatever will work, that, if not an all-in relationship, at the very least they need to forgive and let go in order to at least have some civilized communication. If it's not healthy to be around their parent a lot, that's fine, but at least man up, tell the parent why, and work out something that benefits both, because, no matter what they say, they'll never have true inner peace and self-respect until they do. A country can be no better than the quality of its citizens. If the citizens have no strength of character, golly, dare we even imagine it.

As for God, I've waited 30 years for something, anything and now having trouble finding a way to believe in a God who would decide my children are better off being abused (one of the worst forms of child abuse around) by their father than in at least a decent, civilized relationship with the mother who loves them and continues to forgive them. PA changes whom these children become and forces them to compromise every principle and value they ever had in order to betray, disrespect, exclude and abandon one of their parents. Their father died in 2011, yet they still feel any gesture of kindness is being disloyal to him. They won't hear me, but why isn't anyone else telling them that accepting their father's failings and mistakes and loving him anyway is the greatest gift they can give. My children are bright and perceptive; that they haven't found their way through this, not had any epiphanies, doesn't make sense. And the damage now done to my daughter's two children forces me to question the quality of the man she married. Married 24 yrs., and he hasn't had a single conversation with me. My own parents were unkind, disrespectful, unloving and sometimes abusive, but I wouldn't think of mistreating them. In fact, for my own self-respect, I forgave them and decided to be the best daughter I could be, so my children's thinking is so foreign to me, it's as though I must not have raised them at all. To not forgive whatever they think my worst mistake was or to define me by my worst moment is not the environment they were raised in. I haven't written a book yet, myself, because there's been nothing to tell me what the best responses are.

Do you have your son's address? I've sent cards off and on...but not much...so I'm going to start sending them both a simple card about once a month. At least they can't say I abandoned them. Though this may not be relevant, in cases where a father hasn't been present in a boy's life, I can see where they'd become confused about how to separate from mom...in order to become a man....and still maintain a relationship with her. Maybe without a role model, they'd think it has to be all or nothing. Just a thought. Wculd love to hear from you, Catherine. If not, praying for all affected - in case He's there - for all love to surround you and the pure light within to guide their way home.