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Post by warriornanny on Sept 13, 2016 0:14:41 GMT
Although my estrangement with my girls has been going on for 8.5 yrs, it has been 5.5 yrs since I have seen my youngest son. He became a father 2 months and 2days ago. I have talked about this a little in previous posts, how the baby has a chromosomal disorder. The only info I have been able to get is from his wife's public facebook page, and a small amount from her mother.
She hasn't posted much lately, and I find that I do better if I don't look very often. Before the baby's birth I looked at her facebook occasionally to keep up with the status of the pregnancy, and more often as the due date came near. After the birth I watched that facebook page like a hawk, longing for more pictures and news. But as the weeks have gone on I have attempted to regain a more normal perspective on life and try to go on.
Today, I went again to see if there were new pictures. There were.
As I looked at the pictures of this grandbaby I so love, my heart was breaking. How do you describe the agony of knowing she will not be 'okay'?
We hear people say it all the time '...as long as the baby is healthy'
What do you do when the baby is not healthy?
As if this estrangement were not enough!
I have sat here on the bed and screamed into my pillow until I can't anymore
I have lain on the floor and cried out to the Lord, and I have railed against Him and asked Him 'Why?'
This young couple, their first child. Dreams shattered.
I know my son loves his child, but at some point he is bound to have to break down and grieve, and I won't be there to hold him.
Well, I could go on describing my agony longer than I should. I just need to say to someone who will understand that I am going through indescribable agony on top of indescribable agony.
THIS is that evil day the Lord said to put on His armour for, so I could stand. But I cannot.
Please stand in the gap for me, Sisters. Please pray for me, and for this precious little life who still cannot breathe on her own at 2 months of age. Please pray for her parents. They need so much support. Please pray that God will be able to reach their hearts through this time.
I am hanging on by my fingernails, but I am hanging on to Him and His word. He is good, He has a plan and He is in control.
I know I am only seeing on small piece of the plan, but right now it is a devastating piece. I am devastated.
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Post by luke2231 on Sept 13, 2016 0:25:14 GMT
Oh, Warrior... my heart is breaking into a million pieces and be assured that I am crying with you.
And praying for your ES and DIL as they walk through this painful, confusing, debilitating time, the baby, and of course, you. What an awful time and so much grief piled on top of the hole you already feel from his absence in your life.
I WILL pray that God will use this to restore stolen relationships and so much more. If I'm inarticulate right now, it's because I know there is so much to pray for... You're in my thoughts and will be in my prayers; keep us updated, please.
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Post by warriornanny on Sept 13, 2016 0:43:02 GMT
Nothing can help soothe the heart like the heart of a friend who grieves with you. Thank You for your prayers.
You are articulate, but what you said about 'so much to pray for', that's how overwhelmed I have felt. I am comforted by your prayers and understanding.Thanks for helping me carry my burden.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 13, 2016 1:16:25 GMT
My heart breaks for you. I know the pain of not being able to hold a grandchild. I pray God comforts you and gives you peace that passes all understanding. His ways are not our ways and some day we will understand why such things as we are going through he allowed.
Lately, I find comfort in the words of this song. We all have gone through situations when we question why and wonder if God really understands how heartbroken we are. Surely, a God of love would not allow such things to happen that breaks our heart ? We still trust him because he does all things well on our behalf. Life seems not to be fair, but there is a better day coming where what we endure here on earth will be far more greater then we have ever known.
I pray for healing for the baby and through all of this, I pray this situation will bring your family together. God works in mysterious ways.
Trust in You
Lauren Daigle
Letting go of every single dream
I lay each one down at Your feet
Every moment of my wandering
Never changes what You see
I’ve tried to win this war I confess
My hands are weary I need Your rest
Mighty Warrior, King of the fight
No matter what I face, You’re by my side
When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!
Truth is, You know what tomorrow brings
There’s not a day ahead You have not seen
So, in all things be my life and breath
I want what You want Lord and nothing less
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Post by warriornanny on Sept 13, 2016 1:28:05 GMT
beautiful lyrics, no wonder you find comfort there.
Thank you, Sister, for bearing my burden in prayer.
God inhabits the prayers of His people.
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Post by lindajoan on Sept 13, 2016 1:38:29 GMT
We grieve with you. It is painful to go through estrangement. It is very painful to see a grandchild suffer. Your ES and DIL must be suffering to see their child struggle. Let's pray that God will speak to them during this difficult time about the need for family in their life. They are missing out on so much love and support that they could be receiving from you.
God bless you. We are praying.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 13, 2016 1:44:19 GMT
No thanks needed. That is what we are here for...bearing one another's burdens. And, let us not forget............For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them. ... Matthew 18:20-22
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Post by autumnwind on Sept 13, 2016 11:40:12 GMT
We suffer with you. I am so sorry you are going thru this. It is hard being on the outside and being able to get a glimpse of what is going on, and cant help. I will pray for your ES and family. I know God will give you comfort at this time and peace. Just continue to throw yourself on his word. You are not alone. Faith posted some wise words along with the many others.
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Post by bettyshe on Sept 13, 2016 15:21:39 GMT
Warrior, there are no words to express what you are experiencing....all alone... as you are unable give comfort to your child and hold your grandchild. Lord in the mighty name of Jesus comfort my sister, give her relief as only you can. Lord we are weak but know you are strong...amen
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Post by warriornanny on Sept 13, 2016 21:58:07 GMT
Thank you all, so much! Thank You, Lord for these sisters. I can feel your prayers and today has been somewhat easier, just a quiet day of reflection around the house. Thank you all and know that I am praying for you too. More than 2 or 3 are gathered here, so I know the Lord is present on this website.
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Post by JeepGirl on Sept 14, 2016 21:43:51 GMT
You are correct warriornanny, definitely more than 2 or 3 here lifting up prayers for you. I am praying for God's comfort for you but, in my flesh, I cannot even fathom how that can be done as you go thru this. But, I believe and know HE is All Mighty and All Powerful and I am crying out on your behalf for God to provide what you need at this time to remove this horrible hurt and pain and heal this baby.
Each of us here have experienced the loss and grief of our estranged children and grands, and many have never seen their grandchildren, but knowing your grandbaby is so ill and your adult child is experiencing emotions beyond description and you cannot be there, is heartwrenching and tragic.
I don't know the details of your estrangement or where your es lives. Is the baby in a hospital by you? Is there anyone who could possibly intervene on your behalf (hospital social worker, pastor, anyone)? Who may allow you to go to hospital? Would you be able to send a simple e-mail, text to your es saying you are praying for this child? If neither of those are an option, then praying like you are and crying out to the Lord as you are, may not be the most comforting for you but you are doing the most powerful thing possible for your grandbaby and es.
Hang in there, my Sister, and know you have "family" here who love you and are PRAYING. I believe God is going to '....make beauty from ashes...' from all of this.
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Post by everloving11 on Sept 21, 2016 12:35:42 GMT
Oh Warriornanny, I share in your pain. Our granddaughter we have been cut off from has autism - she just turned 6. Her baby brother was diagnosed with a chromosome disorder before he was born - we don't know his status. Since we are banned from even Mom's Facebook, no pictures. The only comfort we have is that the autistic one probably doesn't miss us and the baby never met us, so neither one 'misses' us. But my heart and arms ache to see them and hug them......every day. WE realize we are in this for the long haul......................................I am praying for you in your pain.
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