Have you had any difficulty with your own parents?

I did not go through this. I am sorry to hear you are having a dfficult time. Is this with your parents or in-laws? You mentioned "pulling back." You know how you are being led by God on this. After prayer and talking with them I pray something can be worked out that would be best for you all.

Saying a prayer for you. Please share more if you feel you can. We care!

Well my dad died years ago, and there were no issues with him, and none really with my mother either, except she can be very self centered. During the earlier part of my life I never actually realized it, but the older I get the more I can see it. For instance, when I was first married she always put such a guilt trip on me if we spent more time with my husband's family than ours, at holidays and so forth. She never thought we should take turns at holidays....she wanted me to spend all of them with her! I was a very young bride (teenager) and quite naive, so I went along with what she said, and at the time my husband never objected either. But we did neglect his side of the family, and it did cause problems. My mother's attitude was they just needed to get over it because after all "a son is a son til he takes a wife, but a daughter is a daughter all her life".. My mother would quote that to me CONSTANTLY. I guess maybe she brainwashed me. Anyway, I did not realize any of this til many years later, and of course now mom is 91 years old and too old to change in her ways. But I can see how wrong she was, and I was wrong to allow it.

Thank you all for your comments. I tend to over-think things a LOT, and am my own worst critic, so I keep wondering if some of the same habits and patterns I see in my side of the family were some of the contributing factors to EC's estrangement. EC's estrangement actually started a few months earlier with THEM prior to cutting the rest of us off.

My folks often have unspoken expectations and when those aren't met, let us know how just how badly they've been disappointed and/or hurt. They lash out and say things in such an unkind way as to make it impossible to have a productive conversation with them about any perceived or real wrongs. Which causes me (or any of us) to pull back; the less interested we are in doing/seeing/talking to them, the more hurt they become and tell us how horrible we are all over again. They've been very generous to our family over the years, however, gifts haven't been true gifts; there have been unspoken conditions attached to them. Except we didn't know it. It's really a vicious cycle.

I've never been good at standing up to the them, like you to your mom, Poodlegirl, and when they won't or can't listen to our "side" I find it hard to put up with their outrage and slurs against any of us. I want to honor them Biblically, but even though we're supposed to turn the other cheek, the Bible also says to season your words with kindness. I'm not saying our family has always been perfect, but it FEELS like we keep turning the other cheek and getting more of the same. I'm sure it looks that way to them as well, but it also doesn't seem as if they're open to hearing what our grievances are. Faith, the loss of your brother makes me want to fix this, sooner than later. Even though they aren't ancient by any means, it doesn't feel to me that they want to fix it, rather, they want what they want and me "pulling back" only justifies their anger and hurt.

I've been working with a Christian counselor who has also advised me to pray for them and to pray for an opening to speak with them. I AM doing that, but between the estrangement with our son and the problems with them, it's all just eating me up inside. JeepGirl, you're right about my kids watching this. I really have a fear about my non-estranged kids getting "ideas" from watching how this is all unfolding, despite the fact that they've been hurt by them too.

I really do value what each of you has said - there's much wisdom in this group! Please continue to pray that there would be an opening and a softening of all our hearts.. You guys are the best and I'm so grateful for this group!

Luke, to answer your original question ... No, I didn't have issues with my parents.
But I just want to encourage you and anyone else reading ... even if you had issues or made whatever past mistakes ... He is faithful to forgive us when we ask Him. Once He does, we no longer need to beat ourselves up over past mistakes.
Obey the Lord first, understand why later .... You take care of you ... Do the right thing and when you do mess up ... like WE ALL DO ... get right with Him and move on. I believe it's a daily, minute to minute process.
I know there's difficult people, parents and other family members in our lives ... but they really aren't our problem, leave them in His hands and just behave the way the Lord would have you behave. Ask Him to lift those negative emotions off your shoulders and I agree with your counselor ... pray for them ... Satan doesn't want us doing that and often times when we start praying for those who are difficult in our life, the problems just diminish over time. Be steadfast and ask Him for help .... He is faithful! GOD BLESS YOU.

Cindy, Thank you for joining us with reading and posting and sharing. I am thankful that you found us. We surely do understand and support one another here.

We have all found out how sad and difficult estrangement is in our lives. We all have different journeys but we have a common bond. We need the Lord's help and we need one another. We care!