New Member: Missing Our Daughter
Feb 2, 2023 15:54:31 GMT
Post by troutmac on Feb 2, 2023 15:54:31 GMT
Thank you for your input, both of you. And I agree. Here are a few reasons why I think it shouldn't (or can't) change my approach:
1. We don't have any good reason to think that Glen would buy our "conversion." Whether sincere or not, we believe that he'll see it as insincere and it won't change anything. The assumption my sister makes is that capitulating will suddenly get us in the door and all will be well. I just think that's a pipe dream.
2. Related to that, such a move would essentially be manipulative, even if you could argue that it's "appropriately" manipulative. That is, we understand that "manipulative" isn't necessarily bad. But keep in mind that Glen had Jillian convinced that we were manipulating her (in a bad way) when we were doing no such thing. If he will convince her of that when we aren't being manipulative, how much more will he convince her of that when we really ARE being manipulative? Essentially we would be walking into a trap and it won't matter how appropriate or well-intentioned this particular manipulation was, he will use it against us. He has been playing "Heads I Win, Tails You Lose" with us for 15 months. Why should we expect him to stop?
3. Even if they did believe our conversion, I wouldn't expect to gain any influence because in Gabe's mind (and right now it seems that Jillian's mind is Gabe's mind) we would have forfeited whatever meager credibility we had and so we would not actually end up in a position to wield any influence. As a matter of principle, it's clear that Gabe would not allow it. It would gain us nothing.
My sister's view is that we would, at least, have a relationship with our daughter. Well, again… that assumes they would believe our conversion, which is highly unlikely. But even if they bought our conversion, the relationship would be phony baloney, plastic banana. There would always be an elephant in the room. It would not be a real relationship; it would not be an honest relationship.
If Jillian is a victim of psychological abuse, that only means that the responsibility for this mess lies with Glen and--for all intents and purposes--Glen alone. Unfortunately, it doesn't change those three points. It doesn't change the fact that all we can do is trust God to resolve this and/or rescue our daughter. There's no feasible way for us to sneak back into her life, Glen clearly has his guard up too high for that.
Thanks again.
1. We don't have any good reason to think that Glen would buy our "conversion." Whether sincere or not, we believe that he'll see it as insincere and it won't change anything. The assumption my sister makes is that capitulating will suddenly get us in the door and all will be well. I just think that's a pipe dream.
2. Related to that, such a move would essentially be manipulative, even if you could argue that it's "appropriately" manipulative. That is, we understand that "manipulative" isn't necessarily bad. But keep in mind that Glen had Jillian convinced that we were manipulating her (in a bad way) when we were doing no such thing. If he will convince her of that when we aren't being manipulative, how much more will he convince her of that when we really ARE being manipulative? Essentially we would be walking into a trap and it won't matter how appropriate or well-intentioned this particular manipulation was, he will use it against us. He has been playing "Heads I Win, Tails You Lose" with us for 15 months. Why should we expect him to stop?
3. Even if they did believe our conversion, I wouldn't expect to gain any influence because in Gabe's mind (and right now it seems that Jillian's mind is Gabe's mind) we would have forfeited whatever meager credibility we had and so we would not actually end up in a position to wield any influence. As a matter of principle, it's clear that Gabe would not allow it. It would gain us nothing.
My sister's view is that we would, at least, have a relationship with our daughter. Well, again… that assumes they would believe our conversion, which is highly unlikely. But even if they bought our conversion, the relationship would be phony baloney, plastic banana. There would always be an elephant in the room. It would not be a real relationship; it would not be an honest relationship.
If Jillian is a victim of psychological abuse, that only means that the responsibility for this mess lies with Glen and--for all intents and purposes--Glen alone. Unfortunately, it doesn't change those three points. It doesn't change the fact that all we can do is trust God to resolve this and/or rescue our daughter. There's no feasible way for us to sneak back into her life, Glen clearly has his guard up too high for that.
Thanks again.