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Post by poodlegirl61 on Jul 26, 2016 13:15:01 GMT
Last night a friend messaged me on Facebook and we were chatting about this and that, when out of the blue she asked, "So how is B? You haven't mentioned him lately". I guess she must have thought our "little estrangement spat" had blown over or something. And so I told her the latest, about how they are pregnant with child #3, when I haven't even seen child #2 yet, and how he did contact me a few months ago, but he said it was only because his grandmother asked him to. And I told her all of it, about how he told me I was toxic, and vile, and then the part about how it was all because I was Facebook friends with these 2 women (who have nothing to do with anything). And I told her about how I said fine then, if that is all that is bothering you then I will de friend them, which I did. And I told my friend about how after I did that, he/she then came up with a list of demands, about how they should get full privileges to use the lake house, the apartment in Dallas, all sorts of things, and how we were never to ask any questions, nor to expect any apologies for past atrocities. I told my friend how we told our son we needed to take some baby steps first, so that everyone could feel comfortable in the relationship, and about how then he just blew up and became furious. I told her how he then said I could come see the babies, but not my husband. I told my friend all of this, and I was just exhausted, emotionally. And do you know what she said? She told me she was so sorry, she never would have brought it up, but it had been so long she thought it must be all ok by now. And I wanted to just SCREAM!!!!! If it ever gets "all ok" I would be shouting it to the rooftops!! And it just struck me once again, how NOBODY UNDERSTANDS! There really is no point to this post other than I just feel the need to vent to people who DO understand and get it. Thanks for listening.
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Post by lindajoan on Jul 26, 2016 16:36:14 GMT
Poodle, You got that right. I am sorry it happened with you again too. It seems people (including Christians) do not understand and often give strange looks that make me feel guilty. What they seem to miss is that we did not cause the estrangement and we did not leave our EC. They left us. The biggest part others seem to have a hard time seeing is that we can not change our EC or we would. We would love to have peace and reconciliation but Only God is able.
We continue to pray for our EC and for ourselves to accept where things are at the moment by God's grace. Come here to share. We get it! Blessings to you!
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Post by luke2231 on Jul 26, 2016 16:53:11 GMT
I was having a conversation about this with someone whose son is in prison for DUI/vehicular homicide. She avoids discussing him with even the closest of her friends because it would be easier for them to talk about getting leprosy than his "situation." I told her that I understand because even if someone asks about my EC, I somehow still get emotionally slapped by their responses. Or... they change the subject after I've answered truthfully. Most likely because people feel that if it can happen to us, then it can happen to them! People that have known our family since way-back-when either know we were/are good parents and are afraid that since their parenting was similar... "but for the grace of God, there go I..." OR, they assume we weren't the good parents they thought we were, and they'd rather just avoid talking about it altogether.
Even if you're doing well NOT thinking about your EC, it somehow pops up, doesn't it? I know it's just the devil trying to mess with us when we're making inroads into trusting that God has it handled.
So sorry that this happened to you. Praying for you Poodlegirl!
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Post by byhisgracealone on Jul 26, 2016 20:47:15 GMT
Poodlegirl, this forum is healthy for all of us, and everyone needs to vent once in a while. We do all understand, and don't judge one another here. Oneday our adult children were in our lives, and the next day, they were gone. That's painful for anyone to walk through. We don't have a place to lay flowers and sit and talk to our loved one, as someone who has lost a family member through death. We've lost them through their own selfish choices, walking out on those who love them without a care or concern for our well being, or the severed relationship of the grandchildren they drag along with them. They are very much alive, but gone. I think the sheer thought makes most people feel "better then." ("That would never happen to me, I'm a better parent")
But, none of us thought it would ever happen to us either. Yet, here we are. Somehow, our EC chose the wide, easy to follow road to destruction that Jesus warned about. We have to pray for their forgiveness everyday, and know that Our Lord completely understands, as He has many, many estranged children, who walk away from loving Him everyday.
Hugs and blessings to all of us...
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Post by difficulttime2 on Jul 26, 2016 22:01:20 GMT
Poodle .. I think it's a rare thing when someone who isn't estranged and hasn't walked a mile in your shoes, has the forethought and empathy to have a clue about what to say or not to say about your EC. So, they ask, they say the wrong thing ... it's hard to take sometimes, I know. But, we get it, more importantly God gets it ... He knows your heart. Hang in there ... it does get easier. tomorrow will be a better day ... lets hope so. BIG HUG
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Post by everloving11 on Aug 31, 2016 18:12:46 GMT
Oh poodlegirl, we surely understand...in this culture where 'things' resolve in 60 minutes or the length of a video, the people in our lives do not understand that God's timetable is so different. I'm a history buff and I have noticed that relationships often take years or decades to sort themselves out - think of how many years Joseph was estranged from his family. Living in a modern, highly advanced society doesn't mean that flesh-and-blood relationships can be manufactured the same way.
In a way, I am glad to be going through all this because I do understand - where I was also clueless before.
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