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Post by JeepGirl on Oct 21, 2019 4:25:23 GMT
I shared in an earlier post how I said "Hi" to my estranged son at a recent high school football game of my dd's son and he acknowledged me. This past Saturday afternoon, my ES was at the stadium and sitting by himself. My ex-husband wasn't there yet. Since I now communicate with my granddaughter (estranged son's daughter), and her boyfriend is a football player in their town, I asked where she was and he replied, "With her boyfriend." My daughter's in-laws were sitting in that area so my husband and I sat on bleachers behind them and my ES. Once seated, my es and I talked briefly about the two schools' football teams and their losing seasons. When my ex arrived, I didn't talk to my son and I am sure my es appreciated that.
My ex left before the game was over and as we were walking out of stadium, my es son was behind us and I slowed down and my husband and I had small talk with him about game. And, that was that. I don't think my dd even realized we had spoken. Now what???
Since the last game, I didn't mention that I said "hi" to my es to anyone except my husband - not to my daughter, my dil, or grands. Don't know if my ES said anything. I am going to react the same way this time. No mention of our exchange to anyone. I have to admit, to my surprise, it was really good to talk to my es and I felt like the cloud had finally been lifted after all these years. We can say all we want about getting used to not having them in our lives and not even sure how we feel toward them anymore, but, as I always thought, the moment you speak to your estranged child, all the walls come down, and all the bad thoughts/feelings we had are gone. My thoughts were only in the moment. Honestly, I have no expectations. I may even be a little leery of anything more at this point in time. I am grateful to the Lord for the simple communication He afforded me with my es but I have no intention of sending text, e-mail or anything. I will continue to wait upon the Lord.
I know you understand about the cloud and I am sincerely praying for that cloud to be lifted from each of you and for the Son's light to break through. Sending prayers and love... |
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Post by lindajoan on Oct 21, 2019 15:07:36 GMT
That is a Praise the Lord! What a breakthrough in God’s timing. It seems as if your ES doing some soul searching. As I always said about estrangement is that we can not change the other person but God is able. But God...
I agree with you about praying only that the relationship will develop and to not send texts and make calls.
I also think it is wise to keep it private for now.
This is wonderful news. Please keep us posted. We will pray.
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Post by everloving11 on Oct 21, 2019 15:20:48 GMT
Maybe there's something in the air, but my ES and I have spoken at least 6 times in the last month. He ignored my birthday (as usual) but, otherwise, he and I are communicating as if there has not been a 4-year lapse. Of course, we don't bring up the 'camel in the tent' (mainly because I have already forgiven him) --- but it is eerily natural to pick up where we left off each time. Of course, it helps that DIL is supportive, and that I took the initiative to ask to wish my GD a Happy Birthday...God just prompted me at this time. Otherwise, I'm not initiating any other interaction.
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Post by luke2231 on Oct 21, 2019 20:11:54 GMT
Jeep,
For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. 2 Tim. 1:7
I think how you've behaved so far, and your plans to just let things unfold organically (you too Everloving!) as your relationships move forward, well, that's what this verse embodies in my mind. Go God! BUT God, as LindaJoan says!
God is good. SO good to have given each of you this comfort and progress in healing, however slowly, these relationships.
And thank you for the prayers. If you wouldn't mind, please say a prayer for us. After 2 years, we feel that there are certain aspects of our daughter's boyfriend that were hidden to us before, but now he seems to really be pushing her to a long-term commitment. Please pray that we would be able to share our thoughts and experience with her with wisdom and grace. We never said that our ES's now-wife was "wrong" for him (although we felt she was/is), but we may not have handled it so that he could receive our words well. We obviously don't want to make the same mistakes again or cause another child to walk away. I don't want to say that we're afraid, but we want to help her see what we sees potential issues to prevent her from making a bad decision. We're having a lot of uncomfortable conversations here lately and it's hard and emotional for all of us. Thank you all so much in advance.
xoxo
Luke
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Post by lindajoan on Oct 22, 2019 22:43:15 GMT
ever loving, It is wonderful that you are having communication with your ES. “All things are Possible” comes to mind. I think it is a good plan that you allow him to reach out first. Let’s continue to pray that this will be the start of a special bond between you and him. PTL!
Luke, We support you in how you follow through with the Lord’s guidance. Pray 1st! How old is your daughter? You may have a very close relationship with her now and we don’t want that to change. I wish I could say that young people today want to hear our wisdom but that is getting to be more rare. In our extended family when one brother tried to share with his brother of some concerns he saw with him marrying his then fiancé it was not well received. The worst part is that he shared the reservations of his brother with his fiancé. I would like to say that in years to come she let that part of life go. Until this day she has never gotten over that initial reservations that she heard about. Please pray first( I know you do). Life is not easy. 🙏
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Post by JeepGirl on Oct 23, 2019 3:10:37 GMT
Wow, Everloving, I agree, "there must be something in the air" and its the LORD. You definitely are in a more advanced state of reconciliation than I am but I am truly happy for my small exchange. Also, you and I both seem to be on the same page going forward and do not want to push anything before God's timing. Through all the pain, we may have grown in wisdom and more dependent on God than ever before.
Luke, I tend to agree with linda about talking to your daughter about your feelings about her fiancé. Many years ago, my mom told me that my ex-husband was not for me and she never brought it up again. She was right and I realized that quite early in my marriage. My mom passed away before I was divorced which was probably a good thing. Unlike the young adults today, I did not stop speaking to my mother after she said that. As linda said, the generation today is so different. Just look at all the estrangements.
My spiritual mom told me many years ago to be quiet and even gave me some really extreme examples of when I should be silent. She was a pastor's wife, with 5 children and 13 grandchildren. So much wisdom. But I thought there was an incident that was so important, I just had to speak my peace. WRONG. My dear, godly friend was right. My speaking up did not change the situation and the only thing that changed was my son stopped speaking to me.
As linda said, pray first. Also count the cost. I am so different with dd than I was with my es and have come to realize I should have remained silent in the past. I recommend remaining silent and PRAY. Whatever happens with your daughter, you want to have a relationship with her and be there for her in the good and bad times. I have to admit, with my es, I just reacted on my emotions and my own thoughts, not God's. I was not turning to God in prayer as I do now and, as a result, it did not end well. Praying for His wisdom for you, Luke. Lots of Love and lots of Prayers going up for you.
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Post by luke2231 on Oct 24, 2019 18:24:26 GMT
I really didn't want to overshadow your good news, JeepGirl and Everloving... I really am so happy for you and it gives me so much hope, truly.
Thank you Lindajoan and Jeep for your good, Godly advice! Honestly, that's why I unloaded here - I didn't want to jump the gun and be overly reactionary with her. The last thing I want to do is push her into a relationship that she'll regret. She isn't engaged (yet) but I got some counsel from someone in the family that had been through a similar issue with both of her daughters. One didn't stay in the relationship and the other one did. I asked her the difference, and like you, she said that they spoke to their daughter without listening. She said that difference with the other that didn't stay in the relationship was that they asked her (and the boyfriend) questions that caused them both to draw their own conclusions about why the relationship wouldn't be the best for them. So... that's what my husband and I have been doing. Asking questions. Helping her see where she stands and what she wants out of life. I don't feel like this boy is "right" for her like your mom said to you, Jeep, but asking her questions like "how do you think this will look?" and "what did you think would happen when ________?" and "how did you feel when he did ______?" seems to be letting the fear and worry air escape from my thoughts. I may still come back on here and need advice, but for now, I'm resting and trusting that God will work it out.
Thank you. Bless you all. I rejoice that God is changing hearts everywhere... Ours, and our children's.
Mush love and prayers for you all..
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Post by JeepGirl on Oct 26, 2019 3:49:22 GMT
Wonderful way of handling it, Luke. It sounds like such wisdom was given to you and that family member was the vessel God used to speak to you. HE is faithful!
PS My es was at my dd's son's soccer game this week. It was at my grandson's college, about an hour away. He came alone and surprised us. He gave my husband and I a big wave. In fact, I didn't know he was waving at us so I didn't wave back, just smiled. My husband waved back because he knew my son was waving to us.
At half time, my daughter left to get food set up which she had brought for soccer team. My son, my husbandand and I talked. This time, about cars we had, our pets and then grands. So, this time, beyond sports.
If my daughter knows anything, she hasn't said anything and neither have I. Last night, I took my granddaughter (es son's daughter) out to dinner and she didn't say anything. In fact, my son said his daugnter's boyfriend passed his driving test. When I was with my grandaughter, she told me her boyfriend passed the test. I was happy and did not mention seeing and talking to her dad.
I have to admit, I was a little nervous seeing my son, again, so soon. I know it is good but, oddly, I don't want to move too fast. Didn't expect this reaction from myself. I am ecstatic about this opening but it's been many years and I just want to go slowly. If I say I am a little scared, does anyone understand?
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Post by lindajoan on Oct 26, 2019 14:05:14 GMT
Luke, You have a lot of wisdom from God. As my mother always said it takes a long life to gain Godly wisdom. Usually we learn more in the storms than in the sunshine.
Jeep, This is such a miracle. God is restoring your family. Your son did not have to have conversation. He wanted to do so. I really believe that ever since you had the breakthrough of spending time with your grandchildren that your son has been looking forward to being with his parents again. You have handled this preparation time in such a God honoring way. I believe the best is yet to come.
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