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Post by JeepGirl on Aug 24, 2019 19:03:15 GMT
Hi Linda, Betty and whoever else may be looking at our site. I haven't been here for a while. I am still estranged from my son but do see his two children. One is now 21 and the other 17, a senior this year. Yes, as I said before, years have passed and we had to pick up at different point. I am saddened by the lost years but grateful for this time and I try to not look back. The relationships are still delicate but when they come for dinner or I see them, you can see they are glad to be with me. (and my hubby, although he is their step-grandfather). Both grands drive now and are able to come here on their own, but my es is still the ghost in our presence. Maybe I didn't describe that right but didn't want to say the "elephant in the room". I make it a point to never say anything negative about him, even when they tell me stories about their dysfunctional life. If only I had this wisdom years ago.....
When I came here today to see if anyone had posted recently, I saw BettyShe's post and the dialogue between she and Linda. As always, linda is the sweet encourager and a representative of Jesus' love and kindness. Betty, I think most of us understand what your relief is even if we haven't lost a child during our estrangements. I am so grateful and blessed to see my grands, even on a limited basis. And I get to see my diL in school when I sub. But, as I look back on these past years and even right up to the present, my es would have given me so much stress if he had been in my life. When we had a ministry with horses and kids, we really couldn't have had him here because he wouldn't understand and his behavior would not have been acceptable around kids. And how would I have been able to tell him he couldn't come when the ministry was going on? As terrible as estrangement is and the heartbreak of not seeing our kids or grands, God knows what is best and protects us when we are hurting in ways we don't understand at the time. My es still has so much anger and hatred toward me and seeing his kids makes it worse, that I cannot imaging being around him. Early in our estrangements we write those apologetic e-mails, texts, cards, etc. but, at this time, I have no desire because of the peace I am experiencing. So, yes, I know what you mean, Betty. I have voiced it to a few people but rarely talk about it to anyone any more. And, at this point, like linda said, they don't have a clue and if they said anything to me, I would just understand that and, also, pray they never do.
Didn't mean to be so lengthy, but seems I always am. I pray for anyone who still comes here from time-to-time to be encouraged by what we share. Also, feel free to share your story. Love being sent out....
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Post by lindajoan on Aug 25, 2019 3:42:37 GMT
Hi Jeep,
It is so good to hear from you. I have really missed you. How are you feeling? Did you work at Ocean Grove this summer. I am so glad that you are still seeing your grandchildren. I do agree with you that God’s plan always works for our best although we don’t always see it especially at first. That is where faith and trust come in.
We need one another. As you said, those who have not gone through the heartache of estrangement can never realize the great loss it brings to your life. It affects you on every level.
We are few in number but I still check in on a regular basis. God bless you my friend. God bless each one that comes to this place. Please post!
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Post by bettyshe on Aug 25, 2019 10:42:59 GMT
Oh Jeep how 😃 happy I am to see your post !! I think of you often and pray for your family situation. I’m so happy to hear that you continue to be able to see your grand children. That is a 🎁 gift meaning you’ll be in your great grandchildren’s lives and will be a great source of love, happiness and wisdom fo that generation. I hope that you have completed all of your health treatments and it sounds as if you are in a good place in life as we know it when estrangement is involved. I come here often as one never really “gets over the effects of estrangement” still need to know that I was not alone in this experience. Take care my friend and pop in when you can...you have so much courage and wisdom... I shall never forget how much you helped me in my extreme times of need so many years ago.
God bless you !
Betty
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Post by everloving11 on Aug 25, 2019 13:57:18 GMT
Frankly, I don't usually "check in" unless someone posts ---- so this is good that you all are posting. Yes, it does go in spurts. Take courage - none of you is alone in this.
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Post by JeepGirl on Aug 26, 2019 3:39:01 GMT
Just an update on my physical condition. Had a lumpectomy in late January of this year. It was stage 1, clear margins, did not go into lymph nodes. Thank you, Lord. After prayer, research and two radiology visits, I chose not to receive any radiation or hormone pills for 5 years. I will be going back for another mammogram in October and, of course, praying it will be good.
About four weeks ago, I had spine surgery for herniated disk, bulging disk, pinched nerve, having 4 pins placed in me to keep disks from sliding back or moving in the future. For three weeks prior to my surgery, I could not walk at all. Since my surgery, no more pain, in physical therapy and recovering quickly.
I mentioned in a previous post that stress does so much to our bodies. I believe most of us are aware that cancer can develop from our bodies and minds being in a state of constant stress. I truly believe spending so many years in estrangement and some personal issues in my life, were precursors to my breast cancer. I am not sure about my disk situation but stress does take such a toll on our entire system in many ways. For those who are new in estrangement, saying to try and stay stress-free would be absurd. I know that. The loss of a relationship with our children is so devastating and painful. But whether just beginning this estrangement journey or in it for many years, we can still try to eat healthy, exercise and work on keeping as physically fit as possible. My prayer for each of us, second to reconciliation, is for each of us to take care of ourselves physically as we wait to see what God is going to do in our lives. We know He has a plan. Prayers....
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Post by lindajoan on Aug 26, 2019 16:13:12 GMT
Jeep,
What great health news you shared. I totally agree with you about stress. It takes a great toll on our bodies and minds. I shared some of my estrangement story, years ago, with one of my doctors. His advice was to get all toxic people and relationships out of your life. We can still pray that God will change the hearts of our adult children. Only He can.
Blessings to all for health and peace.
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Post by bettyshe on Aug 30, 2019 5:07:00 GMT
Jeep I too have had surgery for herniated disk. The surgery gave me much needed relief. I have four screws and a plate. You will be much better without the bulging disk pressing on the nerve. Yes, stress wears on the body...
God bless us all
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Post by lindajoan on Aug 30, 2019 11:13:35 GMT
bettyshe, Yes It is proven that stress is not our friend. It certainly takes its toll on us. So blessed to hear the surgery brought you out of that awful pain. Thank you for sharing this. It is helpful for others to hear successful stories.
God continue to bless you with the His gift of health. God bless each one here.
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