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Post by brokenmama on Jun 15, 2017 17:56:34 GMT
Its been a weary day....actually a weary week. An anticipated vacation fell through (friend going with me had family emergency).....So I have been helping with grandchildren while DIL is out of town. I have some health issues and am exhausted. I was asked on short notice to baby sit again this evening . I just cant. My son is only pleasant to me as far as he can use me for babysitting services. He became obnoxious and rude........saying things that used to come out of his fathers mouth.......More and more i hear the familiar phrases that my ex husband used to bully me.......Oh how i love those children. They bring me great joy. And I DO want to help and love to see them, but cant EVERY single time i am asked.....I fear losing them as I have lost my grand daughter who i dont get to see (totally estranged from my daughter, dont see her or baby)..........DIL has a new job and I can see it coming.......They will both be working a lot of evenings and I am simply expected to be constantly on standby for last minute baby sitting. I am not in physically good shape and I have explained that. i DO keep them a lot (and my body feels it after!)............ . If i say no for any reason I am put down and mocked. This is awful.........Only thing i know to do is refuse to engage in a verbal brawl and say simply "I cannot help you this evening. I am sorry. Love you and see you soon" I am the only one helping them in this. My ex certainly wouldnt be called upon to do it. Please just say a prayer for me. Call me " beat down mama"......
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beat down
Jun 16, 2017 0:46:33 GMT
via mobile
Post by lindajoan on Jun 16, 2017 0:46:33 GMT
I am so sorry you are being treated this way. You do not deserve. It is good of you to be helpful when you can. They should appreciate it. When you can not help they should understand. Is it possible to make a schedule with them that would work out for you? Once you do what you can and would like to do for the children then they would have to seek other help. Please do not overdo it.
God bless you. Saying a prayer.
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beat down
Jun 16, 2017 3:00:13 GMT
via mobile
Post by brokenmama on Jun 16, 2017 3:00:13 GMT
Thank you lindajoan. Their schedule is irregular and they are disorganized. They work hard, but to them i have no needs. I must make sure I do not overdo it. I am the only one they have to watch them and they have zero respect. Amazing...Hearing my ex's words come from my son is the worst. But i must be calm and firm. Thank you for the prayers. I will say one for you also!
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Post by luke2231 on Jun 16, 2017 14:26:38 GMT
Broken, my heart hurts for you. I think we have become a society so focused on "self" that even if we taught our children the right things, cultural influences say otherwise. I honestly believe that our children know right from wrong, but when they choose wrong instead of right, to see us feels like judgment somehow. I don't know if that makes sense but I think that to care about you means that they aren't as important. Weird and warped but it is a selfie world now. Know there are people out "there" that care for you and are praying for you too. Hugs and hopes for a better day today!
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Post by brokenmama on Jun 16, 2017 19:29:22 GMT
Thank you luke....it is indeed a selfie world and one i dont recognize much..........My adult kids do know better. I feel like my ex is saying ugly things to him at the present time......Thank you for your prayers .........My prayers are with all who struggle with being an abandoned parent....
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Post by difficulttime2 on Jun 17, 2017 6:28:51 GMT
Brokenmama: I think it is important that none of us see ourselves as a victim. Our EC's behavior is between them and God IMO. Each one of us must set reasonable boundaries for ourselves and it's okay to refuse to be a doormat too. I don't think we are meant to sit there and accept anyone's abuse, and that includes our own kids.
We must not operate in any kind of fear either ... afraid that they will withhold the children, etc. Our joy and happiness cannot be left in the hands of our kids.
Broken, I'd just encourage you to do what you can do that is reasonable and healthy for you ... and then let the rest go. If your EC will not accept that, that's on them. Putting their demands which hurts your health and wellbeing is just as destructive as when they act out later on you... it's just a little slower. God bless hon, I know it's tough when they are so abusive and mean.
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Post by brokenmama on Jun 17, 2017 14:46:25 GMT
Thank you difficulttime.........i agree, we cannot accept abuse from anyone including those we gave birth to!........I have a grand daughter i never see and never will unless God does a miracle, so i cant help but fear the ones i do see i will lose........i am obviously disposable. Most of the time I accept what is, but some days its all too much. I have other things going on (job loss looks likely for me in the near future...health....finances kaput)......Thank you all.....good advice from loving Christians is the best. Have a blessed and peaceful weekend!
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Post by luke2231 on Jun 18, 2017 2:35:36 GMT
Broken,
I know you feel disposable - don't we all - but you are not!
The other day I was doing some menial chkre and I started thinking about a dear friend of mine that passed away almost 10 years ago. Because of her, there are good things I did as a parent that I likely wouldn't have had I not known her. Those things rippled into my childrens' lives and will probably extend into their own childrens' lives.
All this to say, you don't know the effect that you've had on other people, and beyond that, generations! Your EK may make you feel that you're unimportant, useless and unloved... but you're not.
Your kind words, prayer and encouragement have made a difference in my life, and you're just a "virtual" friend, so imagine what an impact you've had on those who DO know you!!! Including the estranged ones.
God knew from the beginning of time about this estrangement, and purposed your unique gifts, perspective and heart to stand in the middle of it. He is right there with you, loving you as THE most precious and priceless of His creations.
Keep your eyes focused on Him, not your son and family. (Easier said than done, I know), because whether they know it or not, they are missing out on YOU too.
Do what you can to take care of yourself so you won't constantly feel so beaten down and oppressed. Try to do something for yourself at least once a day, even if it's taking 5 minutes to sit outside and enjoy the scenery.
You are perfect in His eyes, so own it! Pray for you and wishing you a good day tomorrow!
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Post by brokenmama on Jun 18, 2017 17:33:42 GMT
I dont think i am unimportant and useless, but i do know they perceive me as a thing to be used when needed and discarded when i am no good to them . The pattern has been there for years and this past week was particularly bad......The situation is bizarre to say the least. I know so many people going through this. Thanks again.
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Post by luke2231 on Jun 18, 2017 18:40:03 GMT
Brokenmama,
My apologies. I didn't mean to make it worse. You may be perceived by them as disposable, but you're not. That was all I wanted to get across. Again, apologies.
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beat down
Jun 18, 2017 19:25:24 GMT
via mobile
Post by brokenmama on Jun 18, 2017 19:25:24 GMT
Oh no apology necessary! I dont see myself through their eyes, for lack of a better way to put it. Take care!
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Post by renatek8 on Jun 20, 2017 0:31:51 GMT
So sorry beat down. You are not alone.
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