Comments from Dr. Coleman

I get weekly e-mails from Dr. Coleman and I thought this short article may show some that Dr. Coleman's recommendations are not always the same.  Of course, this particular piece of advice does not apply to everyone. But I think we know if applies to us.  This is where I, personally , am at this time.  I  Haven't stopped praying for reconciliation but I have left it all at the feet of Jesus.  Here is what Dr. Coleman had to say:

The Case Against Continuing to Try

One of the things that parents have to decide is whether they have it in them to keep trying or whether it's better for their mental health to throw in the towel. Sometimes, and this is important, what might be better for our adult child isn't better for us; and at this point of your lives, you get to decide. And that may well mean deciding not to continue to work on it.

I think this may be particularly confusing terrain for mothers who are socialized to put themselves last and to always keep trying. So, if you're on the fence, let me start by saying maybe you shouldn't try. Here is the case against trying:

     • Maybe it costs you too much psychologically.

     • Maybe trying means having to remain open to someone who just dumps raw sewage on you every time you
        encounter him or her.

     • Maybe trying means that your self-esteem gets constantly put up on the auction block for the lowest bidder which happens to be the one person whose opinion you         care the most about-your child.

     • Maybe it's too hard to keep trying because the rejection from your child reminds you too much of how rejected you felt by your own parents. And you just don't have         that much to give because so much of your energy goes every day to trying to feel like you have a right to be alive or have any kind of a life, even before the trauma         of estrangement was visited upon you.