New here. Heart broken by daughter
Mar 17, 2017 5:35:18 GMT
Post by brokenheartedmom on Mar 17, 2017 5:35:18 GMT
Hello. I will try to summarize but so much has been happening. I am seeing a therapist every other week but I guess I just need a place to 'sound off' to others who have gone through the same thing as I am going through.
I have 2 children, a son (24) and daughter (21). Husband was basically the 'breadwinner' for 27 years of marriage ( I gave up my career to raise the children and homeschool my daughter) Hubby was always the "fun dad"... never providing any setting of rules etc to the kids when they were growing up. It was all on me. . My daughter once cussed me out in front of him and he said nothing. When I asked him to intervene, he said I "deserved it because I backed her into a corner"... Again, I have NEVER had his support. We did see a marriage therapist for several months and things got a bit better but now they are back to the same as they were before. I tell him often how I feel and how we need to be together in parenting but he doesn't get it. He tells me that he is not to blame (he is one of these folks who thinks that he does nothing wrong)
My daughter has a chronic illness and I guess I spoiled her by doing so much for her. (from ordering her multitude of supplements/meds/ to researching her illness since not much is known about it to jumping at the chance to help her. ) When she was first diagnosed and was on heavy duty meds for months, I put little support notes in her lunch, on the mirror of her bathroom, in her car etc reminding her to trust in God and telling her that we could get through things together etc. She seemed to really appreciate them but when she wasn't "cured" as she thought she would be, suddenly I became the recipient of all of her anger. A few months ago she and I were talking on the phone and she opened up about how depressed she was (her dr and we believed the meds caused this). She misunderstood something that I said to her and got very angry with me and stopped talking to me for 2 wks. I tried to text, email and call her to apologize and she just ignored me. When I talked to my husband about it, he told me to let it go and she would 'be back.' He tried to talk to her and she confided in him but instead of him trying to encourage her to work things out with me, he told her that he understood all that she was going through because he knew what it was like talking to me etc. wow..
She eventually started talking to me again but when I asked if we could discuss what I did to upset her, she said NO. Things were ok for a few months then it was a repeat of the same again. She basically told me this time that she wanted nothing more to do with me. She told both me and my husband that the relationship between her and me was done. My husband did eventually talk to her and she told him that our relationship is filled with too much emotion.?? Despite all of this I still sent her flowers when she was having a rough day, took her lunch at work and still continue to do things for her. Suddenly my husband (who was never there for either child for 20+ years) is now buying cards and gifts for her. Now she confides in him and barely talks to me. She even calls on his cell so I don't know when they talk. She used to share so much with me and now.. nothing. Instead she calls dad to tell him all of her exciting news. When I try to bring it to his attention, he says I'm jealous. I try to explain that I'm not jealous, I just want back the relationship that my daughter and I once had.
My heart is broken. I have tried so hard to be there for both children. I jumped at the chance to help them in any way, have been the one to let them know how much we love them, told them to call 24/7 if they ever needed anything(Dad tells them to call him only when he is awake...) etc etc... I am just sick. I don't know what else to do. I am a caregiver to my elderly mom who lives with us (my dad recently passed but I took care of him as well.) I feel so honored to be able to have done this for my parents. I just don't know why my daughter is treating me this way. I can't stop hurting. I'm sorry this is so long. I feel so underminded by my husband. He tells me one thing and goes to her and says "I know what it is like with your mom. I live with her too." (I understand that I may not be the best person to live with but wow, I don't feel like I deserve that). Again, I'm sorry.. I can't stop crying while I'm writing this. Thanks so much for any support or words of advice
I have 2 children, a son (24) and daughter (21). Husband was basically the 'breadwinner' for 27 years of marriage ( I gave up my career to raise the children and homeschool my daughter) Hubby was always the "fun dad"... never providing any setting of rules etc to the kids when they were growing up. It was all on me. . My daughter once cussed me out in front of him and he said nothing. When I asked him to intervene, he said I "deserved it because I backed her into a corner"... Again, I have NEVER had his support. We did see a marriage therapist for several months and things got a bit better but now they are back to the same as they were before. I tell him often how I feel and how we need to be together in parenting but he doesn't get it. He tells me that he is not to blame (he is one of these folks who thinks that he does nothing wrong)
My daughter has a chronic illness and I guess I spoiled her by doing so much for her. (from ordering her multitude of supplements/meds/ to researching her illness since not much is known about it to jumping at the chance to help her. ) When she was first diagnosed and was on heavy duty meds for months, I put little support notes in her lunch, on the mirror of her bathroom, in her car etc reminding her to trust in God and telling her that we could get through things together etc. She seemed to really appreciate them but when she wasn't "cured" as she thought she would be, suddenly I became the recipient of all of her anger. A few months ago she and I were talking on the phone and she opened up about how depressed she was (her dr and we believed the meds caused this). She misunderstood something that I said to her and got very angry with me and stopped talking to me for 2 wks. I tried to text, email and call her to apologize and she just ignored me. When I talked to my husband about it, he told me to let it go and she would 'be back.' He tried to talk to her and she confided in him but instead of him trying to encourage her to work things out with me, he told her that he understood all that she was going through because he knew what it was like talking to me etc. wow..
She eventually started talking to me again but when I asked if we could discuss what I did to upset her, she said NO. Things were ok for a few months then it was a repeat of the same again. She basically told me this time that she wanted nothing more to do with me. She told both me and my husband that the relationship between her and me was done. My husband did eventually talk to her and she told him that our relationship is filled with too much emotion.?? Despite all of this I still sent her flowers when she was having a rough day, took her lunch at work and still continue to do things for her. Suddenly my husband (who was never there for either child for 20+ years) is now buying cards and gifts for her. Now she confides in him and barely talks to me. She even calls on his cell so I don't know when they talk. She used to share so much with me and now.. nothing. Instead she calls dad to tell him all of her exciting news. When I try to bring it to his attention, he says I'm jealous. I try to explain that I'm not jealous, I just want back the relationship that my daughter and I once had.
My heart is broken. I have tried so hard to be there for both children. I jumped at the chance to help them in any way, have been the one to let them know how much we love them, told them to call 24/7 if they ever needed anything(Dad tells them to call him only when he is awake...) etc etc... I am just sick. I don't know what else to do. I am a caregiver to my elderly mom who lives with us (my dad recently passed but I took care of him as well.) I feel so honored to be able to have done this for my parents. I just don't know why my daughter is treating me this way. I can't stop hurting. I'm sorry this is so long. I feel so underminded by my husband. He tells me one thing and goes to her and says "I know what it is like with your mom. I live with her too." (I understand that I may not be the best person to live with but wow, I don't feel like I deserve that). Again, I'm sorry.. I can't stop crying while I'm writing this. Thanks so much for any support or words of advice
