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Post by difficulttime2 on Feb 28, 2017 5:09:22 GMT
Although I don't have a Facebook account, from time to time, I look to see if my EC's Facebook profile has changed.
Funny that she is ever so careful to NOT put any pics of the beloved grands on there for me or anyone in the family to see!
Of course, I taught her that (in a way), as I drilled into her to be careful what she put out there on social media ... so I kind of chuckle at the fact that she is doing what I taught her ... even though she is doing it to be mean ... I also see it that she can't get away from her upbringing ... no matter how much she tries, it's in the little things! Ha ha... just kinda funny in a way....
Anyway, there she is at an amusement park, looking all smug ... seeing that she was nearby (meaning back in our state, when she had moved out of state).... of course not a call or anything ... it will be 7 years of silence in August. It made me sad, but then I just shook my head.... She thinks she's on top of the world ... on vacation, us not knowing she's nearby .... and then proudly posting after the fact.... Oh things can change in a heartbeat in her life. I can tell by her smug face that she thinks it will always be as it is now.... You know, she's in charge, married, money and young children who do what she says.... She gets to say who's in and who's out.... We all remember how it was in those early years of life ... we thought it would always be the same, our kids would be our kids, etc.... Things will bite her if she doesn't turn around ... like all of our 'prodigals.'
There she was standing there, posing ... not even realizing she was in the mud and mire in the 'pig pin..'
I shouldn't have looked, although every 5 or 6 mos, it seems like I do ... but then I have to get over it ... Just so sad. I couldn't get thru without Jesus ... I don't know how anyone 'does' estrangement without Jesus!
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Post by 1hurtmom on Feb 28, 2017 8:16:08 GMT
I just did the same thing looked at her fb & saw she posted a new pic of herself. It cuts like a knife but I can't help it going no contact for 7 years is awful. I hope one day both of us can look and we will be one big happy family.
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Post by lindajoan on Feb 28, 2017 12:32:19 GMT
I'm sorry ladies for the hurt you experienced. I do understand. I was looking at our ED's FB account (through someone else's account) too often last year. It was bringing me down. At the beginning of this year I asked my DIL to make it impossible for me to get on. It was a good decision for me. Of course, people put there best moments on FB so it is not always a true picture. At times our ED would put quotes that I knew referred negatively to DH and I.
It is a personal decision. God bless each of us with His guidance and protection.
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Post by everloving11 on Feb 28, 2017 13:41:43 GMT
I also look up my EDIL FB account every so often but since I have been unfriended I cannot see most of it. I relish any 'mistake' when a grandchild pic is posted, especially since one is autistic and the other I have never seen. I miss them so much but allow Father to love them more.
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Post by luke2231 on Feb 28, 2017 15:21:02 GMT
I know.... I've found a way I can look at ES's FB even though he's blocked everyone in our family; it's both a blessing and a curse. At least I know he's still alive, but in a weird way, it just taunts me.
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Post by JeepGirl on Mar 1, 2017 2:33:54 GMT
Please, ladies, if it upsets you, please don't go there unless you can justify why you want to inflict more heartache on yourself. I am not even friends with my dd because I don't want to possibly see a pic or post from es, dil, grands or even my brother, who I recently reconciled with. If they block us or say mean things directed toward us, why go there?
I was always concerned about FB and only recently went on. I don't accept "friend" requests without careful consideration. I am mostly "friends" with church people and people from school. If you monitor and don't seek out any connections with ec, it is really okay. Lots of encouraging scriptures, posts, etc. Also, I set my FB so only "friends" can see my page.
My way of handling FB may not work for you but I just feel so bad when I know some of you have been so hurt by FB. We feel each other's pain and in this reply, my intent is only to prevent additional hurt toward any of you.
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Post by difficulttime2 on Mar 1, 2017 4:30:12 GMT
Well, when you have zero contact for 7 years, every once in a while, you just want to see if you can see their face on any public forum they might have posted on.
It's kind of like not being invited to the party, but you drive by on your way home, and see that the lights are on and look in out of curiosity ... still makes you feel bad, and you would have felt bad anyway ... for not being invited! I agree that I shouldn't have looked ... knew it would make me feel bad, but made the decision to look, because I wanted to see my child's face again, smug or not.
Estrangement is soooo awkward, no matter what.... Must be a bit like if you had 'given' a child up for adoption ... I think you'd always wonder and just have that God given thing in your gut to 'see' the children you give birth too ... Not to compare our loss to that of a loving mother who for whatever reason decided it was best to give their child up for adoption ... it's just that I think God put this strong bond in us to stay connected to our offspring .... I think that's what we fight, when Satan messes with God's plan and our children have made the decision to estrange from their own parents. It isn't the 'natural,' God given plan of how family should operate.... but here we all are, fighting against the spiritual warfare. I don't always have my full armor on I guess.
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Post by JeepGirl on Mar 1, 2017 14:34:38 GMT
I need to apologize for my reply above, saying "please, don't go there..." It sounds so insensitive of me and that was not my intent at all. Even after I typed that sentence, I questioned what I just wrote but thought everyone would understand why I wrote it..... that I just care for each of you so much and just hate to see people hurt again and again. I should have listened to that still small voice telling me not to write that. Unfortunately, as I said in another post/reply, God is working on me with my "presentation" and I can see from this that I have a long way to go.
I am so sorry for that cavalier sentence. I should no better. The last thing I want to do is say something inappropriate and insensitive. Please forgive me.
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Post by lindajoan on Mar 1, 2017 15:15:45 GMT
Jeep, I understood what you meant. I took it as a caring comment for us. Thank you for your kindness to us.
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Post by luke2231 on Mar 1, 2017 15:17:16 GMT
JeepGirl, no offense taken whatsoever! For those of us that do look, we tend to preface it with, "I know I shouldn't, but..."
I do agree with what Difficult says though; we have a God-given bond with our children, and sometimes we just need to know they're okay. For us personally, there is absolutely NO ONE in our family or vast circle of friends that our ES is in contact with. He lives out of the country, and sometimes I just need to know he's alive. I make a point each time I'm tempted to look of asking myself if I have the ability that day if I can handle it if I see something I'd rather not see. There's very little I do anymore (tomorrow is actually 1 year exactly since I last talked to our son) within the context of estrangement that DOESN'T involve a lot of thought!
I appreciate your apology, but there's really no need! We love and respect each other enough to know that what works for one person may not for another...
I hope you had a great birthday yesterday!
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Post by byhisgracealone on Mar 1, 2017 23:40:36 GMT
Jeepgirl, we allknow how much you care about all of us. No one would mis-understood. I recently saw my ED's FB through one of her cousins, and it was nothing but superficial, narcissistic postings and pictures. No pictures of the GC, just all about her. But then....everything's about her, in her world.... so sad.
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