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Post by poodlegirl61 on Feb 28, 2017 0:55:37 GMT
Sorry I have been away. I have been having technology problems, but I did want you guys to know how things are going. You know my ES and DIL had been playing a cat and mouse game with us where our son had come twice (without her) but with the boys and it was so wonderful. He led us to believe that from now on, we could have a separate relationship with him and the boys only. So he told us a few weeks ago they were coming again, this past weekend. I asked if the sleeping arrangements would be the same (because I hated to come right out and ask if she was coming) and he acted shocked and said why no, of course not! How could he go anywhere without his dear wife?!?! Which is ridiculous because he had done it the past two times just fine. And I don't want to re hash everything but this is the DIL who has severe mental problems, and who has said and done things to us that would make your blood run cold. So....we told him sorry, too much damage has been done, and we do not feel comfortable with her spending the night under our roof. That we wished her no harm or ill will, but that we were under the impression that when she was visiting her dad (30 mins away) he could come see us. Oh he blew up and got so mad. So that is kind of where we stood. Then about a week later, SHE private messaged me saying how much she hated me because I had been Facebook friends with one of her enemies, blah blah blah...(the same old ridiculous stuff) and I assured her I was no longer Facebook friends with that lady. Then she started talking about all sorts of things from years ago and finally I had enough and I told her exactly what I felt in my heart. That she and I could NEVER be chummy friends and that I had already been through that cat and mouse, merry go round game and I was done. And I reminded her that three years ago it was HER IDEA to stop any sort of friendship between us and only correspond when it came to the boys (or boy, at that time there was only one). I assured her I did not hate her, and I was not mad at her, but that her mental condition made me very nervous, and that my house is my sanctuary and my refuge, and quite frankly having her here for overnights scares me to death. And I further told her I would never, ever say a bad word about her to my son, or her boys, or anybody, but she and I just do not mesh well. And I also told her that my son had told me she "wasn't crazy anymore" (yeah right) but that whenever she gets around ME, she does act crazy. I made it sound like it was my fault in a way. That something about me just brings out the crazy in her. And I concluded with "I really hope this doesn't upset you, but you always say you don't want me to be fake, so this is how I feel." And I hit the send button. And do you know what? She messaged me back and said this was exactly the same way she felt and she agreed 100% and she is so happy I am so honest, that everyone else is always fake. And then she proceeded to blow up my phone the next few weeks with pictures of the boys, just all sorts of things. And today they stopped in to see me on their way back from her dad's. They stayed about three hours and I got to play with the boys. Then they went on their merry way and my son hugged me and said "I love you, mom" and I posted on Facebook a picture from this morning of me holding his youngest, and my other son's youngest, and he already replied "Best Tootsie ever" to it. Tootsie is what his boys call me. So, miracles do happen. It still isn't perfect, and for every two steps forward we take one step back. But it is progress. And it is most definitely an answer to prayer. I just want you guys to NEVER GIVE UP and NEVER STOP PRAYING. This estrangement is about 8 years in progress. So never, give up. God can fix anything.
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Post by luke2231 on Feb 28, 2017 1:45:39 GMT
Poodle! That is AWESOME!!! I am so very very happy for you! What an amazing turn of events. Who knew that when we speak the truth, He makes a way for that grain of truth to start to blossom?!?
I think it's great that you felt the peace and confidence to speak your mind. I have to wonder though, if you would have been able to do that 2 years ago, let alone 8? It just gives me hope that His timing is perfect, He has a plan and is always - always - working things out for our good!
Keep keeping us posted Tootsie! 😙
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Post by 1hurtmom on Feb 28, 2017 8:22:08 GMT
Wow I guess god still does miracles!!! This is great news!!!
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Post by lindajoan on Feb 28, 2017 12:42:11 GMT
PTL. You were given the courage by God to speak truth and the Lord used it for good. His timing is perfect.
I want to be sure I understood this correctly. Did your DIL come for the visit too?
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Post by poodlegirl61 on Feb 28, 2017 12:48:28 GMT
Yes, lindajoan, my dil came, too. It was a brief 3 hour visit.
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Post by lindajoan on Feb 28, 2017 13:10:29 GMT
Praise be to God!
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Post by everloving11 on Feb 28, 2017 13:44:52 GMT
WOW ~ it surely didn't turn out like I expected. Praise God!!!
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Post by poodlegirl61 on Feb 28, 2017 14:06:51 GMT
It was always hard for me to be this blunt and honest because I was raised to "act nice" and to "fake it til you make it". My mother is the fakest person you ever met. No matter what happens, she plasters a fake smile and sweeps everything under the rug. I was raised to never be confrontational. So that is how I was raised. It is hard to know what would have happened had I been blunt sooner. And remember, she had terrible mental issues and is very unpredictable. And who knows when she may turn on me again. But at least the little boys are knowing who I am and making memories they can draw on later. Mental issues are a terrible thing to deal with.
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Post by lindajoan on Feb 28, 2017 17:10:03 GMT
I relate to how you describe your DIL. Our ED has deep mental issues also. Recently, I needed to be more truthful and blunt than ever to her in a text reply. Her text was verbally abusive to DH and I as many tines before. This time I felt led of the Lord to respond the way I did which was different than ED would expect. She did not appreciate the different type of response and went silent. That is ok. Now I will continue to pray for God to work in her life knowing where my stand is.
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Post by JeepGirl on Mar 1, 2017 2:10:31 GMT
As lindajoan said in another reply, we each have to handle our estrangements the way we are led. Poodle, you were obviously led by the Lord and He honored you. And you also realize that the next time your dil could act out again. With mental illness it is often up and down. But I would certainly take the visit as a gift and it certainly shows your strength and how much you have grown.
Unlike you, I was always confrontational. I just felt if something is wrong, let's get it out and try to make it right. I realize, now, presentation is a big part of it and my presentation was never good so things usually didn't work out. God is showing me how to have a balance. Not to accept disrespect but not to keep going on and on about the past like I did with my es when I last saw him. That was when he said I could no longer see the kids. I don't regret the first part of what I said to him, but I do regret I didn't stop there.
Lindajoan, I am sure you responded to your ED the way the Lord wanted you to. Accepting the abuse and disrespect isn't good for anyone, not for you and your dh and not for your ED. I believe, in spite of how she acted, your ED has a "respect" for you and, in time, will realize she cannot continue in the same way. At some point, we may all have to take responsibility for some of our actions, but definitely not during a abusive/disrespectful episode.
Poodle, your story has been such an encouragement and I, personally, am so happy the way things are turning out for you. Continued blessings.
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Post by lindajoan on Mar 1, 2017 2:58:20 GMT
Thank you Jeepgirl. I agree.You are right. I have always told ED we were not perfect parents (of course none exist). In her rare texting she always wanted to go over our past faults and create others. She has a "victim" mentality and other mental issues. It is hard to deal with that kind of person. They do not see themselves or feel they have any accountability. The one thing my DH and I knew is that we could never agree to false accusations. It would not be honest of us. Our ED did not like the recent way I replied. I may have been too honest. Although my parents were bold I always needed to be more so. I admire that!
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