What would make you happy?

It doesn't sound awful, difficult. I understand exactly what you're saying. I love my ED very, very much, and pray for her everyday, but I too, would actually be nervous if she came back into my life. The on again, off again relationship, depending on how she felt each day, is more than I can bear at this point in my life. I have actually adjusted, Lord willing, to my life without her causing such drama, and hurt.

You're last sentence sums it up. I also, do not have illusions of my daughter's return bringing happiness. With God all things are possible, but I chose now to live in gratitude to God for my blessings, and not wait for my ED's return.

I agree - I would be just as nervous and on-edge...

Such truth and wisdom spoken here by mothers who love and forgive.

My. DH and I believe God will reveal it at the time if there is real change in our ED. There must be! Jesus would not want anyone here hurt or dishonored. My Pastor says when there is true repentance and sincere motives on our ED's part then we can (then we will) respond with grace. She is not there yet!

I have known the feelings you describe and it does not feel good. The pain is unbearable. Our Savoir is truly human and knows how much we hurt. I pray "Lord the ones you love are hurting, please help us.

I don't think "happy" is the term I would use. I would be grateful for no longer being estranged; however, my es was always a little different and his visits were usually stressful. I used to like talking to my dil but towards the end, she just complained a lot about my son and talked about divorce. What would truly make me "happy" would be seeing my grandchildren.

My es and dil have totally drained me and, although, I would accept them back into my life (with respectful attitudes); I would be just as happy to simply have my grandchildren back. All the hurt, lies, and disrespect have taken its toll on me. Hard to believe I just admitted this. When I finally made the decision to honor my es's wishes and not have any contact with he or his family, it was a major turning point. A point where I truly gave my es over to God and, now, if my es would like me back into life, he will be the one to seek that.

What a timely post. Well, as most of you know, we ARE in the early stages of reconciliation, and my ES is suddenly back in our lives, with three children, I might add. Even though it is what I have prayed for daily for eight years, I would be lying if it isn't stressing me out. I had gotten used to him being gone, and never calling, and not being present for Christmas or Thanksgiving or any of it. I had "settled in" to the estrangement in other words. Oh I would still have my sad moments and my pity parties, but for the most part, I was pretty happy and content with my other three children with whom I am close to, and also my other three grandchildren who I am close to. So it was not only bearable, it was actually pretty good! I know I was/am luckier than many in that I do have other children. And I do think that may have had some bearing on my ES's thinking. Deep down a part of me thinks that HE thought he was indispensable and we would turn backflips and beg and plead for him to come back, especially since he has children now. But we stood firm and never caved in to his ridiculous demands. And his wife is pure evil. So we stood firm and besides, the Lord blessed us with three other grandchildren who kept us plenty busy. That doesn't mean we weren't sad and grieving for him, but it did help. Well I think he was just flabbergasted his little carrots that he waved over our heads (the kids) had no effect on us whatsoever and we stood firm. And we stood firm TOGETHER. Remember, they tried everything, even so far as accusing my wonderful husband of 35 years of cheating on me! Anyway, his plan didn't work, and now he's' back. And to answer your question, I'm not sure exactly how I feel. I am still numb!

Lindajoan, no, there absolutely has been NO apology. And that is very hard. I wish he would humble himself and just bear his soul, but so far, no, nothing like that. In our case, and I know each case is different, and I will try to make this as short as possible, but he was an ideal son up until the age of 23. Very close to us and his siblings. When he was 23 and a senior in college, he met a woman who was 31 and had been married 3 times before, but no children. From the get go she was very hostile and would accuse us of all manner of strange things...said we were mean to her, ignored her, once she said there wasn't enough milk in my house so it meant I didn't want her there? Just crazy odd things. My husband and I were floored as we had never been around anyone like this. Finally our son confessed she had severe mental problems and had in fact been in and out of mental institutions as well as jail. From that moment on there was a constant cat and mouse game with them....he would cry to us for help, we would help and commiserate, he would run back to her, they would hate on us, etc. Then I would try to reach out to her, thinking it would please my son, but it had the opposite effect...he would accuse me of being fake. Then they got married and started having children immediately. We got to see the first one, but things were very strange and weird, one minute she acted like she liked me, the next she was blasting me on Facebook. Then our son came to us asking for money for a divorce because he said she was violent, the police had been called several times, he was afraid for the baby, etc. So we gave the $$$, and once again the pattern resumed. After we gave the $$$ that is when holy heck broke loose and total estrangement ensued. That was 3 years ago. During the past 3 years there would be outbursts from them about how evil, vile, and toxic we were and they never wanted to speak to us, only for a few months later they wanted to use the condo or the lake house. Then they got on this kick that "all of these problems" were because I was Facebook friends with some woman my DIL hated. So when I called their bluff, and unfriended the woman, they then made more demands. Always demands, and never apologies. That has been the rule. And my husband and I stood strong and firm and never once gave in to their demands. As much as we sometimes wanted to, we did not. And it infuriated them I am sure. And they tried to cause division between us, by insinuated my husband was cheating on me. We were always kind, and honest and never once stooped to any of their name calling but we would not be their doormats. We told our son our door was always open for him and his children and even for her if she could get help or medication or whatever but we are terrified of her. And so they stomped and threw fits and called names and we just stood strong. And prayed. And stayed consistent. And now I guess he's realized he can't dangle the kids over us like carrots and we were serious. But no, there has been no apology. Just an abrupt about face. What he said to us was this, "Everyone has someone in their family they don't like, but we will make this work for the boys' sake. They need to know their grandparents." And we basically said awesome, bring em on!