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Post by JeepGirl on Dec 28, 2016 18:01:14 GMT
In the middle of my estrangement from my es and family, my brother and sil, turned their backs on us and began communicating with my es. I discovered that my brother told my es everything and anything negative I ever said about my es and his wife. How I wish I could take back words....gossip.... My brother added much fuel to the fire and around that point, my es said I could no longer see my grands. My brother and I are so different and I could not even think about repeating things someone had said to me in confidence for the purpose of causing more chaos in someone's life. But I cannot go there right now or there would be no truth in my forgiveness.
A few months ago, I asked the Lord to reveal things in me that needed to be changed. One major area was "forgiveness". That topic came up in my devotions, at church, on Christian radio. I couldn't escape it. Actually, I welcomed it because I knew it was God speaking to me in answer to my question. The first person that came to mind was my brother. I also prayed about my ex-husband and my es. I am at peace with both of them because attempts had been made and Rejected. Nothing else for me to do. So, I sent my brother a Christmas card, with a dove on it and the word PEACE across the front. I apologized for my words and actions and asked for forgiveness. On Christmas Day, my brother called me. It was as though nothing had happened between us and, honestly, even if I try to think of things we said to each other in the past, God stops my mind. I simply don't go there and it is a blessing. My brother and I have always been extremely different but I no longer want those differences to cause division. And, needless to say, God has given me a second chance on "gossiping" or saying anything negative about anyone.
I wish this post could have been about reconciliation with my son, but I believe it is a start. Obedience to God. Seeking His will, His input about "us". Focusing on how I need to change. "...forgetting the past and pressing on toward the goal of Christ Jesus..." |
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Post by poodlegirl61 on Dec 28, 2016 18:36:02 GMT
God bless you for sharing this. This speaks right to my very soul with the truths you shared. The part about the gossip and unkind words...guilty! I guess most of us say things in the heat of the moment we wish we could take back. In my own case, when the estrangement first started, our son would come to us and say things like he wished he could get away from his then gf ( now wife) and so I would agree and commiserate with him. Well then he would run back to her and say what all I had said. And then they both would hate on me. I would swear I would never gossip again, but thenagain I would slip up. And I love the part where you said God would stop your mind from remembering all the petty and catty things. I too am having trouble remembering some of the things said. It must be from God. Anyway, bless you.
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Post by luke2231 on Dec 28, 2016 18:49:32 GMT
Poodle said:
"In my own case, when the estrangement first started, our son would come to us and say things like he wished he could get away from his then gf ( now wife) and so I would agree and commiserate with him. Well then he would run back to her and say what all I had said. And then they both would hate on me."
I agree. Same thing here. It's a hard lesson to learn to keep your mouth shut, whether it's gossip or words of commiseration. I often think that had I just let our son figure it out for himself what kind of person our DIL was/is, things might have been different. But I can't play the "what if" game, so I shouldn't even go there.
JeepGirl, that's so amazing that you and your brother have reconnected. It's as if the dominoes are starting to fall "our" way somehow. And it's evidence that God is in our midst working things out - in us, and in our estranged relationships - because of what a great God He is!
I'm so happy for you both...
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Post by lindajoan on Dec 28, 2016 19:11:30 GMT
What a praise this is, our friend. I am emotional just reading how God worked in your relationship with your brother. You told us some of the ways he negatively affected your estrangement. However, you have forgiven and chosen to move foreward. He responded to your reaching out to him. This could be a new beginning even including your ES.
Our prayer is that our EC and loved ones will know that our prayer is for peace and reconciliation with them. May they know that we forgive them and accept our love. May they repent to God and family as needed. Our hope remains in our God. We continue in prayer.
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Post by everloving11 on Dec 28, 2016 20:22:56 GMT
Excellent ~ God always makes all things beautiful ~ if we let Him! I guess there is mercy that no one in my family will either listen or can afford to be compassionate in my situation - no one to complain to except you guys. I often wonder how easy it would be for my ES to find me here ---- oh well, if he had the energy and desire to 'find' me, he could. I am so glad for all of us who have had the grace to forgive!
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Post by byhisgracealone on Dec 28, 2016 22:59:33 GMT
I'm so glad for you Jeepgirl, that there's been a reconnection with your brother. I think you're right, it is a start! If he is still communicating with your ES, maybe he will have some influence with him, and urge him to "start over."
It must have felt wonderful to speak with him again. All reconciliations are something to rejoice over!
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Post by bettyshe on Dec 29, 2016 0:33:06 GMT
JeepGirl, what a wonderful way to a new start with your brother and as we begin a new year. I am happy for you.
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Post by JeepGirl on Dec 29, 2016 4:16:09 GMT
I thank each of you for your comments. As I said, my brother and I are very different and will probably always remain that way. But, more importantly, the estrangement is gone and we can talk to each other again. It is so hard to describe the feeling....like a weight or burden or dark cloud being lifted. My body (or is it my mind) even feels lighter.
Having a taste of reconciliation gives me even more of a desire to experience this with my es and grandchildren. However, I have been learning so much at this stage of estrangement, mostly it is about my relationship with Jesus and being who He wants me to be. I have grown so much closer to the Lord over this past year. Maybe in the early stages of estrangement it is harder because of the newness of separation, the hurt, the anger and all the other emotions. But a point comes (most of us know when that point is) when we can start to take baby steps forward. Then it is up to us as to what direction we are going to go in.
No matter what we do, I think we will still carry the heaviness, that feeling of loss, a cloud, whatever we call it, until we are reconciled with our estranged children. However, we can still have the assurance that God is with us and working and can even use us to serve Him until that time comes. Waiting and praying for that beautiful time of reconciliation to come for each of us.
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