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Post by warriornanny on Aug 31, 2016 15:24:19 GMT
There is alot of information out there that wasn't available 8 yrs ago, or I just didn't look in the right places. To be honest, I thought it was just me. So I am thrilled with this group. So nice to know I am not alone.
Anyway, you could go broke investing in books and webinars on estrangement. So before I whip out the plastic and put Mr Amazon's kids thru college, I wanted to hear from you guys. Is there anything you have read about estrangement that really helped? Did you read something that you felt gave misguided advice?Let me hear from you so I don't waste my time and money.
Right now I am reading an older book by Tony Evans called 'The battle is the Lord's'. It's theme is spiritual warfare. Does anyone else get caught in the trap of "if only I could pray more effectively', 'if only I fasted', why does God answer the prayers of others but not me?
I have to tell you, when I went alone to see the movie 'war room', and in the movie prayer changed everything for them, turned it all around, I sat there and cried out silently to Jesus asking "why not me? Why are my prayers not answered?" By the time the movie ended I couldn't move. I just sat there and cried until a group of strangers came over to me and prayed over me. I suppose that was self pity, but Ladies, it has been so long.
I still waver between finding my strength in God and His word, or sitting in self pity. Between just plain missing my kids, to being so angry I can't move. I beg God to resurrect my family and I am sometimes angry at Him for allowing this to happen to me.
One thing is sure, we feel the full spectrum of emotion with this cross we bare. I promise that not all of my posts will be gloomy. Truth be told, I have found Jesus like never before through this journey and I wouldn't go back and change things if it meant loosing the closeness to Him that I have found. I'm just kind of spiraling these past few weeks because of the birth of another grandbaby I may never see. We will always, I guess, have times or events that take us back. It's a new wound on top of the old wounds. But the strength God gives is new everytime too.
Sorry I posted about books and then released so much grief onto the page, you just never know when and where that grief is going to squirt out.
I will leave you with a little mantra I have memorized, and God reminded me of just now. It is from a book by Max Lucado called "God will get you through" which I highly recommend. I will get through this. It won't be quick, and it won't be easy, but God will use this mess for good. I won't be foolish, or naive, But I won't despair either Because with God's help I will get through this.
Love you all, and my prayers are with each of you, Warrior
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Post by everloving11 on Aug 31, 2016 16:10:22 GMT
Oh Warriornanny, never apologize for sharing the 'down times'. We all go through them and get caught unawares - like going through a store and seeing a child our grandchild's age - or hearing how wonderful other parents' kids are doing - or being invited to another baby shower and putting aside the huge rip in our own hearts. We're here for each other - like the Bible says in Romans 12:15 "Rejoice with those who rejoice [sharing others’ joy], and weep with those who weep [sharing others’ grief]."
Right now, my best source of comfort is the Bible and you all. But I would love to read any helpful books. Each timeline is so different, though. And my prayer is that my ES will come back to he Lord before he comes back to us --- anything else would only be temporary and more 'walking on eggshells'.
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Post by luke2231 on Aug 31, 2016 16:57:33 GMT
I can't say that any books have "done it" for me. I'm a compulsive researcher and reader/book buyer, but I might get one sentence out of a book. The Bible though, gives me hope every time I open it, even if the scriptures aren't directly about estrangement.
I agree with you Warrior that I have "found Jesus like never before" through this. Maybe that's the point? So when our kids come back they'll see our unwavering faith and hope in Him because we've lived it out. Yeah, just pontificating here...
Anyway, I DO believe that God is present in ALL of it. The fact that total strangers (sometimes the best prayer warriors) came to your aid when He knew that you couldn't handle the delivery of that message. He was faithful to you. Just as He is right now in giving you - and us - this outlet to vent and be there for each other.
You are SO not alone in this Warrior. We all feel alone, but we're not!
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Post by warriornanny on Aug 31, 2016 18:22:11 GMT
Oh, Luke, you reminded me of this; Psalm 40:1-3 I waited patiently for the Lord. He turned to me and heard my cry. He brought me up also out of a horrible pit, out of a miry clay, And set my feet upon a rock, And establish my goings. He has put a new song into my mouth, even praise to my God. Many will see it and trust the Lord and put their faith in Him. Is it just me or does this strike you as a commission to the estranged parent?
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Post by warriornanny on Aug 31, 2016 18:24:20 GMT
That reminds me of a very good book you may find helpful: Get out of that Pit by Beth Moore. Love it. Must re-read it.
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Post by lindajoan on Aug 31, 2016 21:12:49 GMT
How right you are. If all went smoothly in our lives (and that is not what we are promised ) we would not depend on the Lord.
I agree that the Bible is the best self help book. I did read a book recently about spiritual warfare also. The enemy truly wants to destroy us. The battle is the Lord's. Prayer is our weapon.
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Post by luke2231 on Sept 2, 2016 0:33:08 GMT
I came across this book/Bible study on my FB feed today, and it caught my attention. I really hesitate to plug anything, but the book is called "Uninvited" by Lysa Turkeurst and is about how to feel loved when you're feeling rejected and unloved. There's a free online Bible study to go with it starting this week. Maybe whoever is interested could do the Bible study and we could encourage each other through it. I think you can buy a study guide to go with the book if you want, but the online 10 day study is free. If you sign up you also get a free 10 day prayer journal for praying through desperate times. If not, no pressure! I know we all have lives that demand our time, effort and money. It was just something that intrigued me for this season in my life and I thought others might be as well. Anyway, if anyone is interested in any or all of it, the link is: proverbs31.org/online-bible-studies/
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Post by lindajoan on Sept 2, 2016 1:21:53 GMT
Thank you for the good information and recommendation.
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Post by bettyshe on Sept 3, 2016 15:46:40 GMT
Hello Everybody, I miss you all so much but lost the site address for a while on my iPad and finally found it again. This time it is in my address book. I searched the web but was not able to find you all but God brought you back to me, and I thank Him. I am still learning to become familiar with using this site and would like an avatar but don’t know how to add it. luke2231, I was crying out to God last night and starting reading to see what was going on here. I read what you said about “Uninvited" by Lysa Turkeurst and decided to check it out on Amazon and WOW that is the food I need to read to understand the rejection I feel from estrangement!! I couldn’t wait to order the book so I got it on Audible and listened all night long, mind you now this was after 3 am. this morning. In her book she speaks of her earliest experience with rejection and it brought a river tide of tears to my eyes because you see it reminded me that my estrangement/rejection with my now deceased daughter (she passed December 21, 2014 after 2 years suffering from ovarian cancer). Was NOT my first experience with rejection. For those that don’t know me, I was able to be with her during this illness but this coming together could not make up for almost 30 years of off and on again estrangement. Due to my evil ex-husband and parental alienation. Check the book out for yourself and see if it is something we can do maybe together along with the Bible study that she will start on September 6th. Discussion please ladies.
With Great Love, Bettyshe
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Post by byhisgracealone on Sept 3, 2016 15:57:00 GMT
Welcome back bettyshe! If you go to "profile" on the top taskbar, than click onto "edit profile" on the top right hand side, it will populate the plain avatar, and you'll see the link where you can upload an avatar of your choice.
Thankyou for the book suggestions bettyshe and warriornanny!
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Post by luke2231 on Sept 3, 2016 16:42:32 GMT
Bettyshe, thanks for the review of what you've read so far. I had only read a sample of the book and the info on the website, but I don't think there's anything estrangement does more than cause all the "feels" of rejection. I definitely plan to do the Bible study - like having this group, I think it will be valuable to just know there are others struggling with the pain of rejection in their lives. I'm glad the suggestion is helpful for you Betty! And I need to re-read that Beth Moore book again too Warrior! ;-)
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Post by warriornanny on Sept 5, 2016 6:32:07 GMT
I'm in! Can't wait to do this study with you. I had seen an email for the study but hadn't decided until I saw all of your posts about it.
Sisters, please pray for me. I am not doing good. I can put on a professional face and go out there and get 'em all day, but when I come home I know I have just been faking it all day. And my days off are mostly spent at home, crying in the bed. Most of my friends are gone and I don't want to keep in touch with anyone, or run into anyone, because sooner or later someone will ask me how the kids are. I don't want to deal with it. I learned early on to pour myself out to God and talk to Him like He is my best friend and He has become my best friend and sometimes, for months,I am okay in Him. Then someone has a birthday, or a wedding, or a baby, and it floods back in like a hurricane.
I had a new grand born almost 2months ago (on the tenth) and it just threw me all the way back to square one.
After 8 and a half years, I expect myself to adjust better than this. How did this nightmare become my real life and when will it end? My mom would end this estrangement between me and my kids, and make it all right for me if she had the power to do so. My heavenly father has that power, I don't understand why He hasn't. If we know how to give good gifts to our own children, how much more does the Father give good gifts to His children?
Intellectually I know all the answers to that question. Maybe He has made it all right, I just haven't received it yet. He won't force my kids to do anything against their will, even as He won't force me. Maybe, and this is scary, the situation we find ourselves in IS the good gift. I am closer to the Lord now than I have ever been before this happened. Before estrangement, I thought I had a great relationship with the Lord and was a great Christian. Now that old relationship looks skin deep! My priorities were all messed up. I never would have met Jesus in this new way if not for the estrangement. And I never would have met any of you, and if I did, I wouldn't have understood. Maybe,, I would have judged. So maybe,I am a better person now because of all this.
AND, as I have read in some posts on this site, God warned us this was going to be a sign of the end times-the lack of natural familial love. And if God knew this had to come to pass as part of the plan, maybe He picked each of us to go through it because He knew we could handle it in Him. He knows this would have killed a lesser woman, in fact, it killed the lesser woman in me.
So, I am going to quit being a whiner now and go back to being a warrior.
But please do keep me in your prayers because this warrior has been wounded and weakened and needs to spend some time in God's ICU.
I don't know if this made a lick of sense to anyone else, but writing it did me a world of good. Thanks for listening.
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Post by luke2231 on Sept 5, 2016 12:24:05 GMT
Warrior, of course it makes sense! I just keep telling myself that although I can intellectualize the how and why's of God's plan, my heart hasn't caught up yet! But, that's faith in action...
I am sorry you're having such a difficult time. Yesterday we were going through some things (our house is for sale) and I had a complete meltdown because of the nostalgia of happier times. And other than my husband, no one really understands it. Not friends, not other family... it's just a lonely place to be...
But, we're here for you! Praying that God will lift you up and bring you unexpected joy in unexpected places!
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Post by lindajoan on Sept 5, 2016 12:58:44 GMT
Warrior, As I read your post I saw what a great work God has done in your life. You depend on the Lord. That's what He wants us to do. He is the only one we can really count on for every need.
We don't understand why evil things come into our life but God said in His Word that in this world we will face problems and tribulation. Everyone has problems in their life in different ways. As we walk this sad journey of estrangement we can help others who are going through the journey. I see the enemy's hand in estrangement the longer I am on this road. The enemy wants to destroy us through it but God is greater.
Praying for you and each sister here. It is a blessing to be connected on this site.
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Post by everloving11 on Sept 5, 2016 15:06:30 GMT
Oh dear sisters ~~~ never give up on the Lord ~ or the wonderful YOU that He lovingly created!!!! YOU are always precious in His sight, in His mind, in His heart. Those He loves the most He allows to share in the fellowship of His sufferings.
"The very credentials these people are waving around as something special, I’m tearing up and throwing out with the trash—along with everything else I used to take credit for. And why? Because of Christ. Yes, all the things I once thought were so important are gone from my life. Compared to the high privilege of knowing Christ Jesus as my Master, firsthand, everything I once thought I had going for me is insignificant—dog dung. I’ve dumped it all in the trash so that I could embrace Christ and be embraced by him. I didn’t want some petty, inferior brand of righteousness that comes from keeping a list of rules when I could get the robust kind that comes from trusting Christ—God’s righteousness. I gave up all that inferior stuff so I could know Christ personally, experience His resurrection power, be a partner in His suffering, and go all the way with Him to death itself." Philippians 3:7-10 The Message
Early in the morning (two time zones away from NYC) of 9-11 as I went to prayer, all I could do was cry. I searched my life to see if I was hurting from something someone said or did ~ nothing. I was way beyond hormonal influences. So I sat there and cried hot and heavy tears. At this time of my life, I was the opener at our school's child care and went to work as usual. The children started coming in with horrific reports of what had happened in New York. Unbelievable. Incomprehensible. But we teachers had to keep on a brave face. Later, when I got home I watched the news as the planes aimed into the towers ~ still beyond belief. I cried out to the Lord, "Why? Why? You could have prevented all this carnage." When there were no more words I heard God's still, small voice gently reminding me of that morning. "Dear one, I knew all about this before it happened. I purposefully chose to allow it for my own purposes. But it gave me no pleasure and my heart was grieved over all the pain this would cause ~ to all of you. So, I called ones like you just to sit and cry with Me a while."
Sisters, I have not arrived. Just because I share these things doesn't mean I'm consistently living them. I really want to. Like Barbara Johnson (author of Stick a Geranium in Your Hat and Be Happy) wrote, "I believe I have been put on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things. At the rate I am going, I will live to be 200." (or something like that!)
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