What to do when you no longer want to live

I agree with Luke2231. Our ordeal started in 2015 with no word of departure --- just all venues of communication closed and a message through my daughter that our son said, "I hope Mom is suffering over this." We didn't even know where in the USA he was living with his wife and two children.
Long story short, a major upset in his life drove him back to me where he told my daughter, "I'm going to talk with Mom --- she can get my head back on straight." Things were hesitant and bumpy until he hit rock bottom and was planning suicied. Hours of phone conversations later, we have bonded closer than we ever were before. He's still upset with a God he says he cannot believe in, but cannot deny the miracles that saved his life (he also got bapitzed as a teen, served a hitch in Iraq where he saw and did things that disgusted him and made him question the existence of God and an afterlife, has PTSD and is a wounded vet). When he emotionally returned, we didn't hash out the past --- it was already over with and spent. Mariah, I'm afraid your son will have to hit bottom as well to make him realize that he needs you. What I'm trying to say is that we never thought he'd ever return to us --- as time went by, it seemed we were more distant. Now, we are closer than we ever could have imagined. What really helped me was when I asked our Heavenly Father whether He could understand what I was going through and He replied, "Oh, I did much worse in estranging my Son on the cross --- He cried out to Me, and I forsook Him ... I did the unthinkable and unreasonable thing ... for you, so you would never be forsaken by Me." God understands and Jesus knows what you're going through, dear sister. Don't give up hope, Mariah, and don't give up on joy and living. Maybe you can do for another who is going through this. Very few Christians understand unless they have gone through what you are going through. We have a wonderful group of parents here who understand and are at various stages of the Estrangement Journey. I continue on with this group because they gave me hope all those years and because I still long for my son to be fully reconciled with our Heavenly Father.