KC's Story: Loki- Master of Manipulation
Sept 15, 2020 16:44:44 GMT
Post by kc on Sept 15, 2020 16:44:44 GMT
Hello Everyone,
I was happy to stumble across this group.
Here is my story (I tried to keep it short):
Our child identifies with Loki- Master of Manipulation & Deceit
• We have a 23-year-old daughter who will be 24 in a few months.
• She has not spoken to use in 3 years (I can count on 2 fingers how many conversations we’ve had)
• Our daughter is adopted, but you would never know because she looks just like us. We adopted her at 2 years-old in England. We were a very close family. My mother-in-law lived with us throughout my daughter’s childhood (17 years) until her death, and I have a husband who loves the Lord.
• We have always been active in our local church and reflected Christian values in and out of the church
• My husband is an educator, and I am a psychologist and educator. Still, I adjusted my career around raising our daughter, so I taught at colleges part-time and counseled part-time throughout her childhood.
• My daughter had an enviable childhood filled with love, affection, travel, and attention, and 2 parents who were capable of dealing with the difficulties that are presented in a child with ADHD and heart issues.
• She had very bad ADHD growing up. She was born addicted to crack cocaine, but she thrived academically and socially when she wanted to do so.
• Our daughter would make friends growing up but could not keep them.
• She has been asked to leave Christian schools because of her behavior, and we suspect that this may have occurred at her Christian college since her friends were expelled the year prior because of drug use and fornication.
• Throughout her childhood and even into college, we have dealt with an unrepentant heart, rebellion, deception, lies, and manipulation. Still, with Christ, we managed and continued to love our daughter even when she was unlovable. Here are a few examples:
• As the fall of 2017 approached, I noticed that she was not calling as much and not available for my calls. My motherly instincts kicked in, and I asked her if there was something that she was not telling me.
• The floodgates opened! “Yes, Momma. I dropped out of college, and Josh and I got married weeks ago.” Who is Josh?
• You can imagine our heartache. I always taught my daughter to finish what she started. I instilled the value of a skill or education so that she could support herself and her family if her husband was unable to do so or if her family needed a little extra. We were heartbroken. She left school (but we think she was asked to go), she married a man that we did not know, and she lived in a state 2000 miles away.
• As Christians, we told her that we disagreed with what she had done, but that she had made her choice and that she was her husband’s responsibility now.
• My husband was destroyed when he had to ask his daughter what her last name was.
• We ended this call by telling her that we are here when she is ready to talk. Just like in childhood, there was some explaining that she needed to do. Just like in childhood, we told her that we are here for her when she is ready to talk about her deception, lies, and how we arrived at this point. Instead of weeks that she would avoid confronting her sin in childhood, it has been 3 years. We have called and texted many times over the years to no avail.
• Our daughter has not only cut us off but also all family and friends who she has known growing up. She even cut off the people she manipulated over the years. It is from them that we found out so many things that were going on over the years.
• We’ve had sparse communication over the years. Here are some snapshots:
• My husband and I will always keep the door open for our daughter. We have already forgiven her, but we understand that it is up to her whether she wants a relationship with us. We hurt, but we decided one day after church 2 ½ years ago that we must continue living, so we do not live in that pain on a daily basis. My husband and I have no guilt over wrongdoings in our rearing of our daughter. She has admitted that it is her and not us.
• This may sound strange to some, but I actually have so much peace with our daughter, not in our life. A relationship with her is emotionally exhausting, but we have always been willing because we love her. I feel in my heart that God has protected my husband and me from danger by having our daughter out of our life and out of state. I have had thoughts that if given the right situation and a willing partner that she would harm us for financial gain. Over the years, we have learned that the level of deceit and manipulation rivals that of Loki. My prayer is that our daughter will submit her life and heart to God because I know that after that, everything else will be made right.
Thank you for listening.
KC
I was happy to stumble across this group.
Here is my story (I tried to keep it short):
Our child identifies with Loki- Master of Manipulation & Deceit
• We have a 23-year-old daughter who will be 24 in a few months.
• She has not spoken to use in 3 years (I can count on 2 fingers how many conversations we’ve had)
• Our daughter is adopted, but you would never know because she looks just like us. We adopted her at 2 years-old in England. We were a very close family. My mother-in-law lived with us throughout my daughter’s childhood (17 years) until her death, and I have a husband who loves the Lord.
• We have always been active in our local church and reflected Christian values in and out of the church
• My husband is an educator, and I am a psychologist and educator. Still, I adjusted my career around raising our daughter, so I taught at colleges part-time and counseled part-time throughout her childhood.
• My daughter had an enviable childhood filled with love, affection, travel, and attention, and 2 parents who were capable of dealing with the difficulties that are presented in a child with ADHD and heart issues.
• She had very bad ADHD growing up. She was born addicted to crack cocaine, but she thrived academically and socially when she wanted to do so.
• Our daughter would make friends growing up but could not keep them.
• She has been asked to leave Christian schools because of her behavior, and we suspect that this may have occurred at her Christian college since her friends were expelled the year prior because of drug use and fornication.
• Throughout her childhood and even into college, we have dealt with an unrepentant heart, rebellion, deception, lies, and manipulation. Still, with Christ, we managed and continued to love our daughter even when she was unlovable. Here are a few examples:
- Unrepentant heart- when catching our daughter lying, stealing, or doing other things that are typically found in any household with children, we would address the issue biblically (talk about it and call it what God calls it), then she would be given time to reflect on the issue. After that, all she had to do is come back after reflecting and talking to God and ask us for forgiveness. Instead, she would avoid us for weeks and had the most challenging time ever asking for forgiveness. We would avoid interfering with the process between her and God until this would go on for nearly a month, and then we would have to talk about it again.
- During one of our deep conversations after nearly a month of not asking for forgiveness, she decided around the age of 12 that she did not want anything to do with God and told us that the only reason she does as we ask is because she was dependent on us.
- At age 19, she told us something similar that the only reason she does not go buck wild (getting tattoos or doing other things that were against our wishes) was because she was dependent on us financially and otherwise. What we didn’t know is that she was doing these things anyway. When her father saw a massive tattoo of Loki on her body, he cried because he was so disappointed. I’m a psychologist, so I was more bothered by the significance of the tattoo. People usually get tattoos that are meaningful to them. Loki is a mythical creature that resembles a demon. Loki is known as a master of manipulation and deceit. She has a 6 by 4-inch tattoo of this being under her breast.
- We later found out that our daughter had been manipulating family and friends for money for years by telling them lies about needing the money for re-taking a class, to get out of a drinking charge, or some other activity that the victims felt they were helping her to avoid telling her Christian parents. They are all remorseful now that they did not tell us, and she cut them all off in the end too.
• As the fall of 2017 approached, I noticed that she was not calling as much and not available for my calls. My motherly instincts kicked in, and I asked her if there was something that she was not telling me.
• The floodgates opened! “Yes, Momma. I dropped out of college, and Josh and I got married weeks ago.” Who is Josh?
• You can imagine our heartache. I always taught my daughter to finish what she started. I instilled the value of a skill or education so that she could support herself and her family if her husband was unable to do so or if her family needed a little extra. We were heartbroken. She left school (but we think she was asked to go), she married a man that we did not know, and she lived in a state 2000 miles away.
• As Christians, we told her that we disagreed with what she had done, but that she had made her choice and that she was her husband’s responsibility now.
• My husband was destroyed when he had to ask his daughter what her last name was.
• We ended this call by telling her that we are here when she is ready to talk. Just like in childhood, there was some explaining that she needed to do. Just like in childhood, we told her that we are here for her when she is ready to talk about her deception, lies, and how we arrived at this point. Instead of weeks that she would avoid confronting her sin in childhood, it has been 3 years. We have called and texted many times over the years to no avail.
• Our daughter has not only cut us off but also all family and friends who she has known growing up. She even cut off the people she manipulated over the years. It is from them that we found out so many things that were going on over the years.
• We’ve had sparse communication over the years. Here are some snapshots:
- After the first 6 months in a text message- “Mom, I’m in the hospital, and I almost died (she has ulcerative colitis). I realized how I’d hurt you and dad. You did not deserve this. This had nothing to do with you, but it was about me. I’ve told so many lies, and I’m so sorry. I’m so ashamed, and I want to make this right.”
- We called her to talk and no answer. We texted her and no response. We continued calling, and she got better but would never call us back. I left it alone and let her know that we were here when she was ready. No answer. She must have gotten better.
- We call on her birthday and leave a message, but she never answers.
- We would text her and inquire about her health and tell her that we loved her and are here when she was ready. No answer.
- We stopped reaching out (it is too painful to now) and now only call on her birthday to leave a voicemail.
- Received a message 6 months ago saying “I’m pregnant” along with a manipulation attempt (that would take me pages to explain, so I won’t here) that did not work. My response to her was that we loved her and are here when she and her husband are ready to talk. We would speak with her first and then both of them together. No answer.
• My husband and I will always keep the door open for our daughter. We have already forgiven her, but we understand that it is up to her whether she wants a relationship with us. We hurt, but we decided one day after church 2 ½ years ago that we must continue living, so we do not live in that pain on a daily basis. My husband and I have no guilt over wrongdoings in our rearing of our daughter. She has admitted that it is her and not us.
• This may sound strange to some, but I actually have so much peace with our daughter, not in our life. A relationship with her is emotionally exhausting, but we have always been willing because we love her. I feel in my heart that God has protected my husband and me from danger by having our daughter out of our life and out of state. I have had thoughts that if given the right situation and a willing partner that she would harm us for financial gain. Over the years, we have learned that the level of deceit and manipulation rivals that of Loki. My prayer is that our daughter will submit her life and heart to God because I know that after that, everything else will be made right.
Thank you for listening.
KC
