Thanks, Everloving11 for sharing, and for the reminder that an unforgiving heart can eat a person up, like cancer. I don’t want to be bitter, unforgiving or hateful! But I know at times I have those feelings. So how do we ever reconcile in a loving, calm and unemotional manner?
Questions for you all: Have any of you sought Christian counseling to learn how to accept the pain, to not let it consume you? Has anyone had success with counseling and been able to look objectively at your pain, acknowledge it but no longer let it hurt you? Have you been able to reconcile calmly, logically, and rationally and trust your EC again completely?
I have been told I need to live my life, to seek joy and move on. Is that truly the right advice? Truthfully it IS easier to just not think about my ED. I mean I pray for her daily, as well as her spouse and the grandchildren, but it is easier for me to find other things to stay busy with, and not dwell on it. But when there is a photo posted of the grandkids, or some news of their life, I feel the loss all over again. Sometimes I get angry and think my SIL is evil! Sometimes I am in disbelief my daughter could be so cruel. Does that mean I need counseling? Will counseling give me tools to get on with my life? Am I supposed to get on with my life?
Hi Jen, your estrangement is still quite recent compared to some of the group who are several years in. When you say move on, please don’t feel as if taking-care of yourself spiritually, physically, mentally, and emotionally means that you don’t care or that you are not praying for reconciliation and healing. It is so much healthier to take care of yourself. Our body is the temple! By ignoring ourselves and our needs and even some desires to have some pleasures in life will not bring our EC back any quicker. Only God’s power and timing will do that Those of us that have been dealing with estrangement know the best wayto travel this difficult road because we have made mistakes, wasted time,and thought that we could accomplish work that belongs tin God’ capeable hands. Personally, I am a believer in Christian counseling and had an excellent wise person who helped. God bless you Jen.
I have not sought Christian counseling ... yet. The pain is part of this whole process. I cannot reclaim 4 years of not seeing my grandchildren, so I've had to let the time issue go. I also know that I cannot change the past, so I've let that go as well. Somehow, there was healing in my job as a teacher reaching out to teens who were estranged from their parents/families for whatever reason. I could do for them what I couldn't do for my ES. I do know that once I recognized that God was still in control of the whole situation, He gave me peace. Even though we are in full communication with our ES I am hesitant to ask him for an opportunity to get together. Is there full reconciliation yet? No. Do I fully trust him? Hardly. Do I take full advantage of what is reality right now? Definitely. Have I fully forgiven him? 93% (LOL - I am a teacher a teacher after all) I'm not sure if I've fully forgiven myself. Am I calm, logical, and rational about it all? No, it has changed me --- hopefully for the better.
All that being said, sound Christian counseling cannot hurt. It may not help you understand your estrangement completely or your EC (and their motivations, etc.), but it will help you understand yourself better.
Off to school --- delayed because of snow and ice. WE're in the MT zone as well. God bless you, Jen.