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Post by JeepGirl on Sept 18, 2019 18:35:36 GMT
I know that years ago, when I was first estranged, this was a pretty big topic, "Should we leave anything to our estranged children?". We are re-doing our Wills and I am not sure what to do. After looking at our previous Wills I see it was based on so much emotion at the time. I was not talking to my ES or his children and, other than a few personal items, they were excluded from receiving anything. (and just for the record, it is not that we have so much for anyone to inherit-lol) However; we still need to have things in order and a Will is important. The last time, other than my dd, we skipped over my husband's two adult children and my ES and left things to grands, except for my ES's because we were not in contact. As I re-read what we did, I really felt ashamed as a Christian and that the way we handled it was not right. I struggled with leaving my ES anything because he hadn't spoken to me in years. I am still not 100% sure how to handle this. I have 2 adult children from my former marriage and 5 grandchildren. My husband also has 2 adult children from a former marriage and 3 grandchildren. Now we are talking to all of grands.
I do realize that each of our situations are different but I would still welcome your thoughts. I may have seen this question years ago on a non-Christian estrangement site and there were many answers reflecting a lot of bitterness. I just want to do what is right in God's eyes. Help?
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Post by renate9 on Sept 19, 2019 1:01:20 GMT
I know the feeling. I would suggest that you talk to your pastor or spiritual adviser.
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Post by JeepGirl on Sept 19, 2019 2:39:51 GMT
Thanks for suggestion renate9. I appreciate it.
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Post by bettyshe on Sept 19, 2019 5:41:59 GMT
Mmm🤔 thinking...praying🙏🏼 for wisdom on the subject. My first thought is that now you are surrounded by your grandchildren on both sides of the marriage. What a joy for both of you praise God. To me if you shared your belongings divided among the grandchildren to give them a helping start in adulthood...might be a good place to start. Property could be sold and divided or one of them may want to buy out the others...your little special treasures could be assigned to the receiver with a special note from you. I don’t really know what to say but please know that I am praying. This is a universal subject that all who have been estranged must face...and as you said we must show the love ❤️ of God ...
Great discussion! We all can benefit from...ladies/gentlemen what are your đź’ˇ ideas?
With great love, Betty
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Post by JeepGirl on Sept 20, 2019 3:06:29 GMT
Thanks for your input bettyshe. Actually, they were my sentiments as well, give to all grandchildren. That seems fair. I just would like to figure out a way to leave my dd something. She has been with me through all of this and when I had surgeries, etc. or my husband was temporarily disabled by surgery, she and husband would come and help take care of horses and take me to doctor visits, etc. I think there may be a way to do it. She will be the Executrix.
I appreciate your thoughts, bettyshe. Somewhat of a confirmation for me. I know we all struggle with this issue and each of our circumstances are different. You are precious. Blessings...
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Post by bettyshe on Sept 20, 2019 9:01:19 GMT
Jeep, I fully understand you wanting to leave something to such a precious dd and her husband. Mmm🤔 I just did my morning prayer for all of our needs. Here’s what comes into my heart/mind. If you have insurance policies that are worth more than it would take to carry out your service. Assign limits on the burial...say for example 60% of the life insurance would go toward the burial, what is left can also be left to your dd. She certainly does deserve to be rewarded for her devotion to you during your estrangement...something that I know was difficult at times juggling everyone. That being said, as Executrix and loving daughter the largest portion should go to her and the balance divided among the grands...those are my thoughts as a possibility...i will continue to pray for wisdom thru out the day. Example 50% to dd and husband and the rest divided among the grands...gotta go now... I have a job subbing this morning...
It will all become clearer to you sweetheart.
With great love, Betty
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Post by luke2231 on Sept 21, 2019 1:23:06 GMT
I wonder if something has changed on freeforums, or maybe it's just my email, but I discovered today that all of these comments and posts are going to my spam folder. And here I thought it was just one of "those" inactive times... :-(. Anyone else having that problem?
Jeep, (Hi! How are you?!? I've missed you!) this was something my husband and I were talking about a couple weeks ago as well. The last time we did our will our children were just little things. Not that we'd leave a stellar amount for any of them if something happened right now, but I think we should address it sooner rather than later. Life, and all that, you know?
I don't have any grandchildren (that I know of) but in both my husband's and my family, the majority of the estate has primarily been passed on to the children, with smaller portions for the grandchildren. I think it's always been assumed that someone much younger might not make as rational choices with saving and investing the inheritance. For instance, my husband was in a horrible car accident and had blown through almost half of the settlement money before we met and he then took stock of his spending habits. We're leaning toward that way of handling the finances as well, but that's just us. In other words, if it were me, I would set aside a bigger slice of the pie for your daughter, and then worry about the grandchildren. Again, that's me. What does your husband think about leaving money to your daughter? His kids?
When we were first estranged, almost 4 years ago now, very early on, like you, I was emotional and wanted to cut our son out entirely. Life and the Lord have given me some things to think about since then, and I don't feel quite the same way. I don't know that I would leave him as large a portion as our other two non-estranged children, but I still feel like he should have something, if for no other reason than to show him what true grace and mercy and love look like. I keep picturing me, a sinner, in many, many ways, SUCH a failure, greedy, needy, sinful, unlovable and unworthy, and yet, He withholds nothing from me. Nothing. And He says I'm worthy simply because I'm His. I realize that not everyone will feel this way or understand that thinking, but if He would do that for me, His child, shouldn't I offer the same compassion for my child?
Sorry to throw a wrench into your probably already tortured thoughts concerning this very, very important decision. It's just that for me, in the long game, grace matters more.
Sending you hugs. Sending you prayers for wisdom and clarity in this.
xoxo
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Post by JeepGirl on Sept 21, 2019 4:20:32 GMT
No wrench at all, Luke. In fact, extremely helpful. Interesting how we both have a desire to extend grace now as to back when our hurts were new and very painful. Thank you, Lord for helping us to remember who we are in You and what You did for us.
Since we are leaving for a trip out west next week, we will probably redo our wills in the next two days. I am so glad I sent out this request because your replies have been so helpful, somewhat of a confirmation of my recent thoughts and now, I feel better about sitting down with my husband, having a direction and believing we can get this done.
Thank you so much for your input. A very special group! Love...
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Post by JeepGirl on Sept 21, 2019 4:20:56 GMT
No wrench at all, Luke. In fact, extremely helpful. Interesting how we both have a desire to extend grace now as to back when our hurts were new and very painful. Thank you, Lord for helping us to remember who we are in You and what You did for us.
Since we are leaving for a trip out west next week, we will probably redo our wills in the next two days. I am so glad I sent out this request because your replies have been so helpful, somewhat of a confirmation of my recent thoughts and now, I feel better about sitting down with my husband, now having a direction and believe we can get this done.
Thank you so much for your input. A very special group! Love...
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Post by lindajoan on Sept 21, 2019 21:23:26 GMT
Hi Jeep, So sorry to enter late. My eldest son, not estranged, just had hie and his wife’s 3d child his week. God bless children.
Our ED left home many years ago. At this present time we text. When she walked out of all of our lives my husband and I did change the will. I have to say it was not anger or retaliation towards What it was and continues to be for us is to honor those (our 3 sons) who were there for us to provide help, company, and good memories. As of yet we are not led to make any changes.
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