Take your time ~ no matter what the circumstances or how illogical they are, there is a way through all of this. There is a way up and out of the despair and hopelessness. We are all here on this site because things aren't the way they're supposed to be and we need one another to remind us that there is HOPE! Oh, I wish I could wave a magic wand and erase all the pain that I sense you're going through ~ somehow the pain lingers. It's been three years for us with our ES without any contact, then a sudden opening last December, then nothing for months === perhaps never again. Meanwhile, I have to keep living...one day at a time. I am praying for you, Shoefan.