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Post by countrywife45 on Sept 23, 2018 12:17:27 GMT
Feel so blessed to have found this place. I have 2 estranged children, and as happens with so many, I truly do not know why. The son has been gone for about 4 years now, the daughter decided after I gifted her a trip to Disney in January that she would have no further contact with me. Went as far as to change her phone number. I got it back this week, but after acknowledging it was her she has further refused to respond to me. I have not see her in 7 months.
My low has been so low this year I have actually considered just stopping life and going on to Glory in Heaven. No, I am not suicidal, but the end of the hurt was appealing. My husband is their stepfather, but we have been married since they were babies. His opinion is I should have expected this treatment after the years of scouting, dance lessons, piano, sports. I disagree. Having been raised by a mentally unstable abusive mother my only goal in life was that my children never know the hurt, the pain, the hunger the cold the fear. Guess that backfired.
My only grace is my oldest daughter who has 3 of my grandchildren still talks to me. Without her I have no idea what I would do. I buried two children 25 years ago and now I have lost two living children.
As with so many others, I can't talk about this out loud. The absolute SHAME, because of course, when two of your three children reject you, of course it must be you. I still just don't know what I did. The biggest complaint my son ever had was I yelled at him. Yes. Yes I did. It was the only way he ever heard me, and I never yelled the first half dozen times I asked.My daughter has no complaints, simply does not respond period.
I am trying to find God in all this.......but years of rejection from parents, husbands and now children have simply left me in a place I expect to be rejected by God too.
I feel like I have dumped far too much here, but I have no where else to talk openly about any of this.
I am off to find a new church, because going to the old one breaks my heart as everyone loves my daughter and looks at me in horror when I admitted she has not been home in 2 years and hasn't spoke to me in months.
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New here
Sept 23, 2018 13:28:11 GMT
via mobile
Post by lindajoan on Sept 23, 2018 13:28:11 GMT
Countrywife45,
I am very thankful you came here. Thank you for sharing your estrangement story from the past 4 years. I am sorry you have gone through this estrangement. It is so difficult when our adult children act this way. Please know it is nothing that you did that cased this to happen. Those who estrange have to make up reasons to justify the estrangement. They often change the truth of their bringing up to suit them. You were a great mother. We are not perfect. There are no perfect parents.
We are here for you. Please come often to share. We understand. We will pray for you. God will help you each day with His strength. He can bring the estranged child home in His time.
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Post by JeepGirl on Sept 24, 2018 0:47:40 GMT
Hi Countrywife45, You definitely found a place you can vent when you found us. We have all vented, cried, shared our hurts and pains and asked for prayer. On the other hand, many have shared encouraging stories of reconciliations and small steps toward reconciliations.
You also do not have to feel any shame here. We totally understand about feeling embarrassed to share our stories with the world for fear of what they are thinking and how they are judging us as parents. But God isn't judging us, He is walking alongside of us. You are, also, not alone in your feelings about questioning God at times. Haven't we all at some point? That is why I know God gave me the scripture verse, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." Because how many times in life do we have to "trust" even though we don't understand?
Also, looking for a new church can be a good thing. Maybe not the "looking" part but, again, trust in Him, because I have always found He will give you the best church home at the time you need it. You may have to wander from church to church for a while, but you will know when you find the one for you. We have been in our new church for about a year and just loving it. Not perfect by any means but we know God brought us there and we felt the Spirit and love from the time we walked through the door. The women are quite open and share and my estrangement is pretty minimal compared to some of their stories. I found myself thanking God for my children/grands' health, and praying more for the other women.
Don't give up on God, Countrywife45, or this life. He has each of us here for a reason and loves each of us more than we can ever imagine. Prayers for strength and direction in your life. Lots of love...
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Post by everloving11 on Sept 24, 2018 12:46:00 GMT
Good morning, Countrywife45 ~ so glad you found us. I am so sorry for all the rejection in your life ~ even death is a rejection of sorts. Please know that you are safe here to share your feelings as we get encouragement from one another to put one foot in front of the other and eventually skip in newfound joy along this strange and frustrating path. We are coming up on three years next month and have the same scenario as others here ~ one day communication and laughter, next day cut off (new phone number, unfriended on FB, eventual moves from one coast to the other with blocked addresses...) It's the grandchildren I miss the most - one a toddler I've never met. Yet I trust God to reach them ---- as I have had opportunity to reach other children who are estranged from their parents or grandparents. We'll be praying for you, Countrywife45 ~ and we will listen.
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Post by renate9 on Sept 25, 2018 17:48:20 GMT
Countrywife45,
I won't reject you. I will listen to you. I know the hurt only too well. I felt shame for awhile but not today.
I know I did the best I could with what I had. Please come back to share your story and tell us how you are.
I know it's tough, been there done that.
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Post by luke2231 on Sept 26, 2018 17:21:27 GMT
Welcome, Countrywife45,
We're so glad you're here. You're quite brave to share that you expect to be rejected by God, having been rejected by so many loved ones. I think we all feel that at times, but don't often express it. The same with our shame. It's hard to keep your head held high when, to outside appearances, we're perceived as terrible mothers. People really can't understand it until it happens to them. My brother in law and sister in law acted a bit judg-y toward us until it happened to them also. Now, they're struggling to figure out what "they" did to cause their estrangement, but the reality is, they didn't, their daughter did. Same goes for my son and your two children.
There's some deep hurt or fear in their souls that causes them to push us away; we're reminders of those flaws somehow. It's easier to blame us than look at themselves in the mirror. And honestly, I'm not sure I'm any different than them. Until estrangement happened to me, I didn't examine myself and all the things I needed to work on to be more Christ-like.
It's taken some time, but I truly believe that God is using this for good. Having buried two children (I'm so very, very sorry. How utterly devastating!) and having another two estrange, you can probably understand better than anyone the deep hurt caused by estrangement that feels like a death. If you read the Bible, it's the everyday person, David, Job, Moses, Ruth, etc... that faced insurmountable odds but God gave them the strength to continue to fight the good fight. I also think that each of those figures already had in-born strength, because He knew that they could handle the difficulties that inevitably find us, AND be a testimony to generations to come. I think maybe we're stronger than we know, and God will use us - and our testimonies - to help others as well. In other words, you're a Chosen One!
Keep coming back and posting. Share your fears, your worries, your doubts and your needs. We're here for you. I can't tell you how many times I've been encouraged by the wonderful friends on this site. Praying for you...
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Post by countrywife45 on Oct 3, 2018 10:23:29 GMT
Good morning!
Thank you all for the words of kindness and encouragement. So very glad to have stumbled ? in here. You have my heart because you understand my heart.
I saw a friend from the church last week who knows the situation and it was a lovely visit. But we are in agreement,,,,, going there is too much about my daughter and I need to expand out from that. For 25 years I was their mother, and although I still am, it is time to be me again. I praise God all day every day for my oldest, she is my only redeeming grace.
Such a strange generation, that this happens so much. My grandmother could not have imagined a day she would not have been respectful and available to her parents and yet our children are so changed from that. I simply do not understand it. For all my mother was or did had she ever called me I would have shown up. I could not have faced myself otherwise. And yet somehow the next generation missed that.
It is time to forgive, move on and grow in God. I have often been reminded of God's warriors and how he gave the battles to those he loved the most. Sometimes I just wish it had not lasted 50 years. And then I remember my oldest and her babies, and I think that can be enough. That can just be enough,
My prayers and heartfelt gratitude to all of you.
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