Post by JeepGirl on Apr 12, 2018 4:17:44 GMT
I haven't been here for a while and I see we have some new members. Welcome Hope and abrokenman. I recently typed my estrangement story on my cell but lost it. So hard to keep repeating it but will try to condense.
After my divorce, many years ago, when my son was 15, I had to tell him he could no longer stay with me and my new husband and daughter (his sister). He was totally out of control, extremely disrespectful and I actually thought he was on drugs. He was not willing to follow our rules or change his behavior. I did "tough love" which was popular at that time. Problem was, it backfired and my son ended up staying with my ex. And as result, parental alienation occurred and my son believed all the distortions and lies he was told. .
When my son graduated from high school, he told me his "...mother was dead" and he did not want me there. When he got married, I was not invited to the wedding and that was one of the worst days of my life. When he had his first child I was not invited to the Christening. When my grandson was about six months old, my son called me and said he and his wife wanted to visit and bring the baby. It was one of the most special times in my life. I grew so close to my new grandson and counted my blessings every moment I was with him. They eventually had a little girl and I was close to her also. Babysat them and even their dog. We were reconciled for almost 14 years. I was such a part of their lives.
My daughter was somewhat jealous of my closeness to them and once she had her first child, it became more difficult. I thought I was balancing relationships but it appeared lots of things were going on behind the scenes, especially with my ex, who remained close to both of them. I know my ex was not happy with my son talking to me and even getting close to my husband. Eventually, I noticed my son started changing. He even started making remarks when he was at our home which were inappropriate and at one point, said I had "abandoned" him. The relationship began to deteriorate and finally we became estranged again. I need to point out that we had reconciled after my grandson was born, we never discussed the original estrangement. He didn't seem to want to discuss it. I guess he simply suppressed his feelings and eventually everything surfaced again.
For a couple of years, although estranged from my es, I could see the kids. My dil actually was the one who was instrumental in allowing it. But, eventually, my son said I could no longer see them. It has been about 4 years that I haven't seen my grands. So many more details, like most of us here, but just don't want to write about it all again. NOTE: I have a relationship with my daughter and her family. She also has a relationship with her brother and nephew and niece. And they are still close to my ex and spend holidays with he and his wife which has also been hard for me. My ex recently moved to the same town where I live. It has been about 8 years that my son and I have been estranged.
Now, for what happened today. It was my granddaughter's 16th birthday. In the past, my es has returned any gifts I sent and intercepted their text messages from me. He has told me to leave his family alone. I finally gave up all attempts to reconcile and honored his request. Except for today. Since it was her 16th birthday, I texted her a personalized text wishing her a happy sweet 16 birthday. She replied "Thank You". That was the first reply I received from her in years. I also decided to send her flowers. They really were beautiful and so different. They designed the flowers into a birthday cake with candles. Really different. I received a reply saying she knew she was not supposed to text me but she wanted to thank me for the flowers. Her reply was bitter sweet. My es obviously has not allowed them to contact me. It was a bold step for my granddaughter to reply to me today. My daughter also told me she posted a picture of the flowers on Snapchat. I asked if she wrote who sent them to her. My dd said she did not but she obviously liked them.
In our estrangements, I consider this a gift from God. Of course, we all desire reconciliation; however, as the years go by, we learn to appreciate occurrences like I experienced today. It may be years before I hear from my granddaughter again. And I will not text her or give her any undue pressure. But, I consider the two text messages from her as God's gift to me. She recently lost her other grandmother and I know today was a difficult day for her not having her. My heart grieved for my granddaughter today and I was hoping to comfort her in some way and show her she still has a grandma who loves her. I believe my prayer was granted.
Love and blessings to everyone....
