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Post by JeepGirl on Mar 7, 2018 22:03:57 GMT
Our house is up for sale, so, many thoughts about where to move. ES and family live 15 min. down the road and dd and grands are about 1/2 hr away. Many of our friends are moving to southern states for retirement and lower cost of living. However, have no friends close by who are estranged so, of course, this is where I turn to seek out suggestions and thoughts from those who have moved a distance from their EC. Has it helped? Or, do some of you have strong feelings about staying close to ec, even when there is no relationship?
Welcome your thoughts.
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Post by lindajoan on Mar 7, 2018 22:18:43 GMT
I don't know if you would want to move far from your DD. That would be something to consider. I know you are close to her. It would not affect me to move away from an EC if our ED lived near by which she does not. She is in a different state at this time.
I know God will lead you to do His will.
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Post by dissedmom on Mar 8, 2018 5:07:03 GMT
My estranged child moved away from all of us (whole family), with the grandchildren. It was horrible at first as they did it in the first year of estrangement. It was such a load off my mind though in the long run. I am so grateful now though. I think it made the recovery and letting go process so much easier because they made it very clear they wanted no contact at all. I didn't have that anxiety about the bittersweetness of running across them and not knowing how awkward or upsetting it would be or how they would act if they saw me.
Having lived it, I mean living far away (several states away) from estranged child, I think it helps me ALOT! If you choose to go that route, you will grieve it at first, but for me having to run across them or drive past their house or road, well, it is just nice not to have that constant rejection in your face all the time. Something about not having it riight in your face just makes it easier I think or at least it did for me. I did hate it at first, but now I see it was such a gift to me and my recovery.
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Post by everloving11 on Mar 8, 2018 13:52:33 GMT
I agree ~ after our ES shut us off and out he moved to one coast with his wife and 2 children (one of whom I've never met). That was only difficult when I'd go back to my home state and would land at the airport near his place BUT, as much as I wanted to drive over and just see where they lived, I resisted. Then I heard they moved to the other coast. I do agree with those who are far away from their EC ~ my identity is not in this child but in the life I've built for myself without him. My heart is fully ready to take him back (Like the Prodigal Father) but I don't have to live day-by-day thinking he's so close geographically and so far away emotionally. BTW ~~~ WELCOME dissedmom ~ you're among friends who understand and who are far away from each other geographically but so near emotionally!!!
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Post by luke2231 on Mar 8, 2018 14:56:16 GMT
I'm completely with everloving on this - "my identity is not in this child but in the life I've built for myself without him." Our estranged son has lived away from us since prior to the estrangement. That in itself (along with his wife) might have been partly responsible for lack of communication, but I think that if we reconcile, the distance might contribute to that too. I know from being so near my parents that I constantly feel watched and judged, and somewhat always feeling beholden to meet their expectations for my life, and not enough of my own expectations for myself. I struggle with that. I've lived so much of my life for my kids (as my mom did) that now is the time to live it for myself. My mom is still trying to live her life through me and I feel the pressure of that. I'm not saying that you are at all like that, but just as our kids have every right to live a life of their own choosing, so do we.
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Post by renate9 on Mar 8, 2018 20:20:01 GMT
My ED lives 1829 miles from me. I like it this way. I like it because then I don't see her and my GD walking around, shopping, at the gym etc. That way there is less pain.
My E-sister lives just down the road from me. That I don't like. I see the family around this little village and it gives me pain. They ignore me. E-sister says that when we are in the same store, I am to go away and
let her shop and peace and then I can shop when she is gone. I am not to acknowledge that I know her. Yeah right. That's what I'll do all right. NOT!
I wish I never moved back to this village from the big town.
So I hope that answers your question.
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