|
|
Post by JeepGirl on Nov 30, 2017 2:47:28 GMT
I have mentioned several times that on most Mondays, Dr. Coleman has a free webinar and he takes questions which callers can submit on his website. This past Monday, I submitted the question about whether or not he thought it would be okay to could contact my dil (who mentioned to my daughter that she wouldn't care if I saw grands).
Dr. Coleman's answer was "After 8 years you could pretty much do what you want and strategy isn't important. Your es hasn't talked to you for all this time so what do you have to lose?" He said if the estrangement was only for one or two years, he would not suggest going to dil first and not es. But this isn't the case. He also said that, "... dil's remark to my daughter may be true but there is the possibility she just didn't want to look bad to your daughter." In either case, he, again, said, what do you have to lose?
He went on to give me suggestions as to what to say, like, "I don't want to put her in an impossible situation or do anything that would be difficult for her marriage. But if you have any ideas how I can have contact with the grands or how to get back a relationship with my es, I would certainly appreciate that advice." Then to close with "If you are not able to, I would understand."
Dr. Coleman is a secular counselor but I have always appreciated his suggestions. I think approaching my dil (if I see her in school) or writing a letter and giving it to her, might be okay. But I want to go to the Lord and seek his advice first. I don't like fleeces, but I may ask Him to put me in her path (at school or wherever) if He wants me to go forward with this approach. I really want to know He wants me to do this.
Any thoughts? |
|
|
|
Post by everloving11 on Nov 30, 2017 13:29:05 GMT
If the Lord prompts you, you have indeed nothing to lose and perhaps a toe in the door to gain. I'm praying.
|
|
|
|
Post by JeepGirl on Nov 30, 2017 15:29:21 GMT
Thanks everloving. I am in school now and a job just came up tomorrow at school my dil works in. Jobs usually go quickly. In order to take it, I had to make a call to change an appointment for tomorrow and had to come into another classroom. When I checked, it was still there and I took it.
Now, I have to think about this. Dil works in cafeteria and I don't know if teacher I am working for has lunch duty. I could still walk down if she doesn't. I just don't know if I should write a short note and hand it to her or ask in person. I know I will catch her totally off guard and she has a job to do during lunch. I am leaning toward short note.
|
|
|
|
Post by luke2231 on Nov 30, 2017 20:12:11 GMT
So you're saying that Dr. Coleman advised you to go to your daughter to ask about contacting your DIL? But you're thinking of going directly to your DIL at school instead?
Because personally, I would 100% make sure with my daughter I wasn't putting her in the middle. If your daughter told you this, it may have just been in passing and not as if she expected you to act on it. If you do act on it, and your DIL says something to your daughter, your daughter could feel defensive and it might come back to bite you.
I understand wanting to talk to your DIL tomorrow, but honestly, if you've waited 8 years (!), God will provide an opportunity when you have absolute peace about it. This is just me, but when I act when things seem rather hurried, it usually doesn't go well. I'm not saying that you're forcing this, and maybe your DIL being at the school you're going to tomorrow MAY be that opportunity, but for me, it doesn't sound to me as if you have that definite peace about making a connection somehow, somewhere tomorrow.
Let us know what you decide, and what happens!
xoxo
|
|
|
|
Post by JeepGirl on Dec 1, 2017 1:47:30 GMT
Sorry, Luke, I guess I wasn't clear. Dr. Coleman did not tell me to talk to my daughter first or at all. He simply said that what my dil said to my daughter may or may not have been sincere or real. I had no intention of asking my daughter anything or even telling her what my thoughts were regarding possibly talking to dil. In fact, I also had no intention of mentioning my daughter's name at all, if and when I speak to dil.
My only question was whether to put a request to see grands, in writing, or talk to her personally. But I will let God lead me. He always does. Thank you for your replies.
|
|
|
|
Post by luke2231 on Dec 1, 2017 2:06:15 GMT
Sorry, Luke, I guess I wasn't clear. Dr. Coleman did not tell me to talk to my daughter first or at all. He simply said that what my dil said to my daughter may or may not have been sincere or real. I had no intention of asking my daughter anything or even telling her what my thoughts were regarding possibly talking to dil. In fact, I also had no intention of mentioning my daughter's name at all, if and when I speak to dil. My only question was whether to put a request to see grands, in writing, or talk to her personally. But I will let God lead me. He always does. Thank you for your replies. Okay, that makes a lot of sense! Maybe I read what you said about your DIL talking to your daughter about the grandkids, and then later on the part about being put in the middle, and just assumed it was your daughter. Now that I re-read it, I was way off the mark! So just disregard what I said, lol... Prayers for you whatever you happens. You know I'm in your corner. |
|
|
|
Post by lindajoan on Dec 1, 2017 19:20:23 GMT
I will say a prayer that the Lord leads you in His way. Please
let us know what you decide.
|
|
|
|
Post by JeepGirl on Dec 2, 2017 2:29:21 GMT
I was so busy today... subbing for 8th graders (Language Arts) and I did not have lunch duty. I toyed with the idea of going into cafeteria on my prep but since the day didn't warrant my seeing dil, I just felt not doing anything today. I have to have God's leading. At this point in my life, I pretty much know when He is leading me or orchestrating something to happen. Don't think that today was the day. I still feel strongly that I want to make contact with dil or grands but will wait until it is God's timing.
|
|
