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Post by renate9 on Nov 10, 2017 22:29:23 GMT
Before all this happened to me I thought kids who rejected their parents did so for a good reason like abuse or alcohol incest things. Now I know better. My ED dropped me for piddly little reasons, I didn't have enough money, I wouldn't buy her a certain book in the 8th grade, I was too needy, I didn't have a good enough job etc. I didn't get her good enough Christmas presents, ditto birthday gifts.
What is your opinion?
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Post by byhisgracealone on Nov 10, 2017 23:45:24 GMT
I think speaking personally, I've learned quite a bit of humility in many areas, not only having an estranged child, but being careful not to judge others, when we can very easily find ourselves in the same situation as those I might be judging. I don't think any of us on this site really know why our children decided to leave us. It's a complete mystery. A sign of the narcissistic times in which we live.
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Post by luke2231 on Nov 11, 2017 0:04:00 GMT
Personally, I think we're in a culture war against Satan. I think he's winning the hearts and minds of our kids. Every generation seems to sink further into the abyss.
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Post by JeepGirl on Nov 12, 2017 3:19:35 GMT
Renate9, did your daughter give you those as reasons? Seriously, if they truly are her reasons, then it is obvious the problem is with her. I was told I "abandoned" my es; that I "was a terrible mother" and much more. They certainly are not valid reasons to become estranged from your family.
However, I do remember when we bought a go cart for my grandson, my es said, "I never had a go cart.". Here he was in his late 30's and making such a childish comment. He should have been happy to see his son driving the go cart, but my es was actually jealous. That was the first time, I realized something was not normal with my son. He seemed to be stuck in his adolescent years and for some reason thought he had been deprived, when that was so far from reality. Have no clue where my son got all his distorted memories. I keep saying that I have to gather all my old pictures so he can see what type of childhood he really had.
I believe their explanations are not the real reasons they don't want to be with us. Their reasons have to be much deeper, and causing them so much pain and heartache which results in so misplaced anger toward us. Unfortunately, they never seem to tell us the real reasons they are angry with us and we are left helpless in trying to make amends. It always comes down to they are in control and we are left helpless to fix anything because we don't know we did.
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Post by lindajoan on Nov 13, 2017 0:00:29 GMT
I believe the enemy is at work like Luke said. It is very sad.
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Post by JeepGirl on Nov 13, 2017 3:39:15 GMT
You are so right, lindajoan. Sadly, all of this is biblical. "...The father shall be divided against the son, and the son against the father; the mother against the daughter, and the daughter against the mother; the mother in law against her daughter in law, and the daughter in law against her mother in law." Luke 12:53
This division is the consequence of evil and sinful behavior and according to the Bible, this is how it will remain on earth until Jesus returns to judge the world and finally establish his promised kingdom of peace (Rev 21:4).
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Post by everloving11 on Nov 15, 2017 13:44:22 GMT
Very good analysis JeepGirl: "I believe their explanations are not the real reasons they don't want to be with us. Their reasons have to be much deeper, and causing them so much pain and heartache which results in misplaced anger toward us. Unfortunately, they never seem to tell us the real reasons they are angry with us and we are left helpless in trying to make amends."
Frankly, I don't think our ES wants to find out why he is so angry - his bitter restlessness is really caused by a huge hole in his spirit that only God can fill. This generation seeks to "be happy" all the time and, when they are not, they reject: their spouses, their families, their jobs, their churches, etc.
I currently teach teenagers from all over the world so I see attitude in many languages. I also noticed when I taught elementary students that this is a very angry generation ~ it's not from lack of things but, like you said JeepGirl, misplaced anger. People innately crave the qualities only God can give: love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, goodness, faith, humility, and self-control. Somehow, the world has given our children the message that their parents are supposed to make them happy --- and it's our fault if we don't (or didn't, in retrospect).
IF we failed in any aspect of parenting our children when they were children, we acknowledge that. But our adult children need to get over it and grow up. Unfortunately, our estranged ones are not putting themselves within our families so they have those opportunities to face reality and grow up. BUT GOD is able to give them those very opportunities to fail and falter and run to Him ~ and eventually us.
Parents of prodigals: pray everyday, forgive, watch for their return, and prepare the fatted calf!!! [And be ready for the rest of your children to react in anger when we love back the estranged one...sigh --- so the cycle repeats itself.]
God may be preparing you to be a champion of forgiving estranged ones so others can see it done and do so as well. This truly brings glory to God. God bless you all TODAY, right now.
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Post by givingupcontrol on Nov 19, 2017 0:01:37 GMT
Agreed! These EC don't even know the real reason they are estranged- or they have had to fool themselves to justify their selfish behavior. But I agree with what others have said- we are in a dark, "me first" culture right now- one where individuals make up their own set of morals and expect the rest of the world to fall into place for them. And short term, it may appear that it is all working out, but long term, it will not. We were estranged from my daughter for over 2 years (her age 18-20 years old). We are reconciled now, and things are much better, but she has a lot of spiritual maturity that needs to take place. Our values have never changed, but hers seem to waiver, and are mostly not the way she was raised. I think it's important for our love to be unconditional and our support to be conditional (not enabling poor choices). It is a tough balance.
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raj
New Member
Posts: 6
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Post by raj on Nov 19, 2017 17:07:01 GMT
I agree with you all. Unconditional love and not supporting poor choices. When we don't support marijuana or cohabitation our son is irate! He once got so high he thought a fast food place was a bar and swore at them trying to buy a drink! They gave him free food to get him to leave. So I never judge parents, I pray for them.
Raj
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