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Post by brokenmama on Oct 29, 2017 14:28:58 GMT
Yesterday my beautiful little grandbaby turned one year old. Of course I didnt see her. My daughter has left my life, probably for good this time. The last few interactions were so horrible I cant begin to describe them. Drug addictions, CPS investigations (someone reported them, not me)threats, showing up at my door black and blue from her husband slapping her around, fears about the babys safety............sheer hell. Then she disappears and returns to him. This mama is done. Maybe I have grown cold or hard or i am at a place of acceptance. Probably a combination of all of those. I have prayed for literally 15 years over her behavior. My ex husband gleefully joins in the worst verbal abuse you can imagine when she is around (even though its obvious she is in bad shape). He doesnt cuss or yell. He just smiles and mocks and smile and mocks. I refuse to be around the man ever again. One cant carry around this kind of pain forever and have any kind of a life. I do have two other grandchildren i see (my relationship with that adult child is shaky, but it is there) I accept there are no guarantees ........I refuse to put up with such nonsense for the rest of my life. At this point if she showed up at my door, i would shut it in her face. I cant help her. I have tried. Only God can. I pray for God to do whatever He needs to do, to keep my grandbaby safe, to get her stinking thug of a husband out of her life. I plan to enjoy the holidays. It has taken me literally years to get to this place and I do still have a occasional bad days. I dont mean to sound like it never crosses my mind...of course it does. Why? Could I do anything else?...................I am at a place where I must have peace from this confused sick child of mind. She even told me last time i saw her that she is messed up in the head. Yeah no kidding. My last contact with her months ago was a series of text message threats. That was enough for me to say I WILL , by the grace of God, take back control of my life and refuse to let this destroy me.....My times are in His hands..............God bless you all.......
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Post by luke2231 on Oct 29, 2017 18:22:56 GMT
brokenmama,
I hate that it's come to this place for you, but I think you're very wise to continue to pray for them, especially that God would do whatever He needs to do in their lives and yours. In fact, I wish I had been praying this all along in my situation; ultimately, I think it's healthier for our own health and sanity! I know I have often wanted to control the situation - maybe even my son to some degree - and the further along I sink into this estrangement, the more I see I have absolutely NO control whatsoever.
I'm so glad you're moving forward, getting your life back as best you can. Praying for you and walking through this with you, if only virtually...
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Post by brokenmama on Oct 29, 2017 21:51:39 GMT
Thank you luke....i think we all go through wanting to control it, change it, do something......all this is so bizarre. I still have my days, but the last encounter with her was so terrible , its like a switch came on and i knew i had to change something for myself. Praying is very hard for me....often its just Please help her and keep the baby safe.............Thank you and i appreciate the thoughts....Blessings
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Post by lindajoan on Oct 29, 2017 23:18:17 GMT
I will be keeping you in prayer also. God bless you.
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Post by JeepGirl on Oct 30, 2017 0:10:21 GMT
Oh Broken, your daughter is in such a dark place and surrounded by such horrible people. But she and your grandbaby are so blessed to have you asking God for their safety and protection. I am praying for God's protection along with you.
And Broken, I think there are times when praying is hard for each of us, especially when it involves us personally. That is when we count on our sisters-in-the-Lord to stand in the gap and pray for us. I understand your heart is breaking for your grandbaby and not seeing her on her first birthday. Please know that we are all standing in the gap for you today. Sending out virtual hugs...
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Post by everloving11 on Oct 30, 2017 12:23:18 GMT
Such pain and sadness all over the place ~ I am so sorry. I cannot imagine that your ed is happy either. Will continue praying for you all.
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Post by brokenmama on Oct 30, 2017 19:22:19 GMT
Thank you......God bless you all. I believe our children are miserable. You cant ignore a loving parent and be "whole"......
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Post by givingupcontrol on Nov 17, 2017 2:01:38 GMT
Dearest Broken Mama, you are a wise woman. Isn't it interesting how the pain and difficulty of estrangement changes our thinking? I'm sure you have done everything that could possibly be done on this planet to help your daughter and grandbaby. I can't imagine the years of pain you have endured, but you are wiser now to accept that it is all in God's hands. So proud of you for making the decision to move on and live your life. That is all we can do! It might actually be emotionally healthy for your daughter to see that she's not controlling your happiness and sense of purpose in life anymore. Her choices and her consequences for those choices are hers to own. My husband told me one time in the depths of our estrangement, to stop curling up in a ball and crying and LIVE my life. Good advice from a man who had (essentially)lost his daughter to estrangement and felt like he had lost his wife too when I just cried all day. Try to love and enjoy the people that God has allowed to be in your life. Hugs
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Post by brokenmama on Nov 20, 2017 1:22:39 GMT
givingupcontrol.......good words! I believe my daughter is mentally ill (and a dope head). I couldnt dance to her tune anymore. Thank you
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