Post by JeepGirl on Oct 21, 2017 5:02:43 GMT
Hi Everyone,
Again, I know everyone has different opinions of Dr. Coleman but wanted to simply share this as an FYI. He has a free webinar on Mondays (see below) but he is also discussing a topic that is close to me....."Whether We Should Continue to Try..." I am considering signing up for one or two of the webinars that you have to pay for but, honestly, the Monday free Q and A's are really informative. Go to his site for information. But here is what he posted today:
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FREE Q AND A
MONDAYS
Ask me anything related to estrangement but keep all questions between 2-3 sentences long. Enter your question at the link below as soon as soon as possible since I'm often not able to get to all of the questions in the 50 minutes. You can also listen to the answers on the replay if you can't make it at that time. Please email me your question at the site rather than emailing me directly.
Monday, Oct 23rd at 11:30am Pacific, 1230 Mountain
130 Central, 230 Eastern
Listening method: Phone or Web
To attend by web, visit:
iTeleseminar.com/102429462
To Attend Using a Local Number:http://InstantTeleseminar.com/Local/
Pin Code: 459546#
Is It Time to Stop Trying?
One of the best ways to think about estrangement is that it occurs on a continuum from temporary and resolvable, to irresolvable and permanent. Because estrangement evokes such powerful feelings of despair, guilt, regret, and fear it's often difficult for parents to know where they fall on the continuum.
* Are their efforts slowly and silently having a positive effect?
* Slowly and silently or loudly having a negative effect?
* Or are all efforts a complete waste of time since the child has already decided that they're not going back no matter how perfectly the parent behaves?
DO I EVEN WANT TO TRY?
But before I go any further I want to say something on the topic of whether you should keep trying or just give up. One of the things that parents have to decide is whether they have it in them to keep trying or whether it's better for their mental health to throw in the towel.
Sometimes, and this is important, what might be better for our adult child isn't better for us; and at this point of your lives, you get to decide. And that may well mean deciding not to continue to work on it.
I think this may be particularly confusing terrain for mothers who are socialized to put themselves last and to always keep trying. So, if you're on the fence, let me start by saying maybe you shouldn't try. Here is the case against trying:
* Maybe it costs you too much psychologically.
* Maybe trying means having to remain open to someone who just dumps raw sewage on you every time you encounter him or her.
* Maybe trying means that your self-esteem gets constantly put up on the auction block for the lowest bidder which happens to be the one person whose opinion you care the most about-your child.
* Maybe it's too hard to keep trying because the rejection from your child reminds you too much of how rejected you felt by your own parents. And you just don't have that much to give because so much of your energy goes every day to trying to feel like you have a right to be alive or have any kind of a life, even before the trauma of estrangement was visited upon you.
If you need help deciding whether or not to keep trying, join us for our upcoming webinar:
Tuesday Oct 24th
530 Pacific, 630 Mountain, 730 Central, 830 Eastern
SHOULD I KEEP TRYING OR JUST GIVE UP
Learning How to Read the Signs
Free Study Guide Here
Here's what's coming up next!
Tuesday Oct 31st
530 Pacific, 630 Mountain, 730 Central, 830 Eastern
DEALING WITH YOUR DIFFICULT DAUGHTER-IN-LAW OR SON-IN-LAW
Do's and Don'ts
Free Study Guide Here
Tuesday Nov 7th
530 Pacific, 630 Mountain, 730 Central, 830 Eastern
THE ESTRANGED GRANDPARENT
How to Stay Connected
Free Study GuideHere
Tuesday Nov 14th
530 Pacific, 630 Mountain, 730 Central, 830 Eastern
IS MY CHILD'S THERAPIST
PART OF THE PROBLEM?
And What You Should If They Are
Free Study Guide Here
Each webinar comes with:
• Free study guide
• Link to the live webinar to listen to over the phone or computer
• Q and A during live webinar
• Complete transcript of lecture after it airs
• Link to the webinar recording after it airs
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To hear what others are saying about the webinars, go here
NEED A 1:1? email me at josh@drjoshuacoleman.com
About Dr. Coleman
Dr. Coleman is a psychologist in private practice in the San Francisco Bay Area and a Senior Fellow with the Council on Contemporary Families, a non-partisan organization of leading sociologists, historians, psychologists and demographers dedicated to providing the press and public with the latest research and best-practice findings about American families. He has lectured at Harvard University, The University of California at Berkeley, The University of London, Cornell Weill Medical School, and blogs on parent-adult child relationships for the U.C. Berkeley publication, Greater Good Magazine.
Dr. Coleman is frequently contacted by the media for opinions and commentary about changes in the American family. He has been a frequent guest on the Today Show, NPR, and The BBC, and has also been featured on Sesame Street, 20/20, Good Morning America, America Online Coaches, PBS, and numerous news programs for FOX, ABC, CNN, and NBC television. His advice has appeared in The New York Times, The Times of London, The Shriver Report, Fortune, Newsweek, The Chicago Tribune, The Wall Street Journal, Slate, Psychology Today, U.S. World and News Report, Parenting Magazine, The Baltimore Sun and many others.
He is the author of numerous articles and chapters and has written four books: The Free Study Guide Makeover: Finding Happiness in Imperfect Harmony (St. Martin's Press); The Lazy Husband: How to Get Men to Do More Parenting and Housework (St. Martin's Press); When Parents Hurt: Compassionate Strategies When You and Your Grown Child Don't Get Along (HarperCollins); and Married with Twins: Life, Love and the Pursuit of Marital Harmony. His books have been translated into Chinese, Croatian, and Korean, and are also available in the U.K., Canada, and Australia.
He is the co-editor, along with historian Stephanie Coontz of seven online volumes of Unconventional Wisdom: News You Can Use, a compendium of noteworthy research on the contemporary family, gender, sexuality, poverty, and work-family issues.
Dr. Joshua Coleman, 5835 College Ave Suite A2, www.DrJoshuaColeman.com, Oakland, CA 94618
