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Post by JeepGirl on Aug 5, 2017 15:51:13 GMT
I know that there have been several reconciliations on our site recently. And, for me, it makes me happy and hopeful. However, I was just wondering why some of our children return and why others do not. My first thought was, "Is it the adult children who are 'needy' that return? Maybe those involved with drugs, alcohol, money problems, abusive relationships, no support system?
What about those estranged adult children who are financially comfortable, have lots of friends and very supportive in-laws who also love and spend time with their children and grandchildren, who take vacations and even still go to church and have the additional support of their church "family"? Do you think there is less chance of these estranged adult children returning?
My ES and family are somewhere in between the two types I mentioned. But, I was thinking about my daughter, who I have a relationship with, but she and her family are so busy with all their activities. I pray we never become estranged but, if we did, she falls into the second category and I doubt she would miss my presence in her life very much.
I didn't intend this to bring anyone down and I apologize if I did. I was just thinking and wondering if lifestyle makes a difference in our estrangements.
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Post by lindajoan on Aug 5, 2017 18:05:22 GMT
Great discussion question Jeep. In our case, whenever our ED attempted contact with us we soon found out she had a reason. It was usually a financial reason. We would not accept that reason as it is not honoring towards parents. It is also not showing a sincere motive and a true repentant heart.
I do think it is easier for an estranged Adult child to return when there is a need on their part. God bless the EC who returns with a pure motive to join his family again. That is a true answer to prayer.
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Post by luke2231 on Aug 5, 2017 21:05:09 GMT
You know, I wonder that too... I have a friend that was estranged from her family for years, primarily because her husband convinced her that he was all the family she needed. When she realized how abusive and manipulative he was, she got in touch with her family again. Talking to her today, she says that God had to bring her to a place - whether she understood and knew that at the time - for her to get in touch with her family again. All that to say, I don't think it may be an addictive personality, or financial need to reconnect, rather, maybe just it's God's timing and for His purpose. I know that sounds kind of cliche, but there are probably things the EK's have to go through in life to get to a point of wanting to reconnect. And since each person is different and has different experiences and lifestyles... it must be God in it instead of us or them, if that makes sense!
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Post by difficulttime2 on Aug 6, 2017 1:50:01 GMT
This is just my opinion ... Unless the Lord has truly changed their cold hard heart ... they come back when they want or need something or have an agenda. Rarely, IMO, do they come back truly repentant and wanting to make amends for their horrible behavior toward us.
Their agenda may not be evident at first ... eventually it seems to rear its ugly head, with either another estrangement or the 'real' reason comes out. After 7 years reading and talking to estranged parents ... that's my take, bottom line. It isn't how I wish it were, but I believe that is the reality, with few exceptions.
I believe the reason is that there is something broken in their moral core to do such a thing in the first place. It's a moral decision they have made, that most, at their core know is wrong, but they selfishly do it anyway. Unless the Lord changes them, truly changes them, the underlying 'moral' core is still a very dark place. "As a man thinks, so is he"
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Post by lindajoan on Aug 6, 2017 23:35:36 GMT
I just read this to my DH. We agree with what you shared. Sad but true.
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Post by givingupcontrol on Aug 11, 2017 19:41:24 GMT
ROCK BOTTOM. I think the estranged adult child has to hit rock bottom to turn around and repent. I believe we all have a different point of what our bottom point is. For my extremely strong willed/hard-headed/once-estranged daughter, it was when her 20 year old husband tried to kill her by repeatedly choking her and then stabbing himself and almost committing suicide. For others, it may not be near as dramatic, but for her, it took an awful lot. My DH and I firmly believe that if that incident had not happened we would still be estranged. As others have said, this is God's timing in how and when He wants to change their hearts.
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Post by brokenmama on Aug 12, 2017 13:20:43 GMT
Every situation is different...many of them come back when they want something or something has gone wrong in their life. They know who they can truly depend on. Parents find an adult child and grandchildren who are strangers walking in their door. I am sure there are some who repent of their ways and go home. My daughter has been in and out of my life so many times i no longer find it a big deal if she shows up.......she usually leaves again......I am not without hope in God but i do know what we are dealing with ......and i know the pattern of behavior........for my adult kids at least. I have to expect the worse to avoid having my heart broken yet again.
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Post by everloving11 on Aug 13, 2017 17:54:38 GMT
Frankly, we are praying that our ES will come back to the Lord Jesus Christ --- then he can come back to us. We realize we may never see reconciliation this side of Glory BUT that doesn't cause us to lose hope. Check out the story of Tony Fontaine whose mother prayed for him every day until she passed away --- he didn't come back to God until a tragic car accident afterwards. Check out the story of Franklin Graham (Billy's son) - who seemed to somewhat comply on the outside but was A Rebel Without a Cause on the inside. Remember the story of the Prodigal Son who had to come to the end of himself and his own resources; then he was ready to come back home. Even my mother resisted the Lord for nearly 80 years --- I prayed for something to enter her life to bring her to her knees before God and God allowed her to get cancer and she trusted Christ as her Savior. I have seen too many miracles to cause me to hang on to hope!
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Post by luke2231 on Aug 13, 2017 22:29:46 GMT
Thank you everloving, for that terrific reminder. I feel the same way about my son - that he returns to Jesus, even if he doesn't return to us. Of course, I'd love it if both happened, but he needs the Lord more than he needs us. Good to see you again!
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Post by lindajoan on Aug 13, 2017 23:00:50 GMT
Amen and Amen!
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